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Stories by D.L. Stewart
Commentary: $1M for my hair? I’m in!
Of all the so-called reality shows on television, the only one my wife and I watch together is “The Amazing Race” on Sunday nights.I’ve tried watching “The Bachelor” with her, but I can stand only so much of some doofus whining about how hard it is to choose between dozens ...
Password plethora poses a problem
Someone — probably Erma Bombeck — once said that the hardest thing about writing a column for her was finding a pencil and a clean sheet of paper.For me, the hardest part is remembering my password.Remembering my password never used to be a problem, because I had been using the ...
What is an autograph worth?
In a different time, in a different world, scoring an autograph from a sports hero was a kid thing.You’d stand outside the locker room and wait for a player to come out and hope that he was in a generous mood and would pause long enough to scribble his name ...
Celebrity list more like ‘who dey?’
Sometimes I shake my head in dismay at how far out of touch with the celebrity world I must be.The other day, for instance, I’m reading Newsweek magazine and come across an item reporting that a pair of Lanvin high-top shoes that cost $1,795 are “must haves” for Nate Berkus.As ...
Commentary: No butts about judge’s stance on saggy pants
When 20-year-old LaMarcus Ramsey appeared in an Alabama courtroom last week, he was charged with receiving stolen property. News reports of his alleged crime did not specify what the stolen property was, but obviously it wasn’t belts or suspenders.Because the defendant’s blue jeans sagged halfway down his rear end.And, while ...
Baseball memories are no longer in the cards
Like just about everything else in our lives, the baseball cards little boys used to store in shoe boxes and clothespin onto the spokes of the bicycles have gone digital.Once a billion dollar industry, the baseball card business has slumped in recent years, as little boys turned to electronic amusements ...
Family tree’s questionable roots
The interest that many people have about their family trees was dramatically illustrated when the National Archives announced last week that census information from 1940 now is available online. The website (1940 census.archives.gov) immediately was overwhelmed with 37 million hits from Americans researching their roots.Coincidentally, I had just finished doing ...
Too many tennis players are making a racket
This is a busy time in the sporting world. College basketball fans are still talking about shining moments and shredded bracket cards. Baseball fans are pumped up for another season of hits, errors and Tommy John surgeries. Pro football fans are debating about which college players the Cleveland Browns will ...
Parents, schools protect kids from life
When my kids were growing up I did everything possible to protect them.When they became old enough to crawl, for instance, I covered the electrical outlets in our house with plastic shields, so they couldn’t stick their little fingers into them, causing a short circuit that might have damaged our ...
How much longer can we keep the change?
If the forecasters have it right, the piggy-bank industry is doomed. Not to mention the manufacturers of money clips, change purses and penny wrappers.As reported last week on the CBS program “Sunday Morning,” money as we know it may be on its way out.“There will be a time — I ...
Saying ‘au revoir’ to a style of dining
The formal obituary for what once was our area’s most formal restaurant has been posted on its website.“We have gone out of business. Thank you for all the years of support Dayton!” Behind the farewell was a night photo of l’Auberge, with a full moon above it and, fittingly, an ...
D.L.: You guys need a new phrase
Hardly anyone ever asks for my opinion, and even when they do they usually decide my opinion is ridiculous. But recently a reader asked me to comment on the use of the phrase “you guys.”“Dear Mr. Stewart:“For me, there are more than a few phrases that I dislike immensely. One ...
Prepared for an emergency? Pass the football
Our AAA magazine arrived the other day, and it included a checklist of two dozen items we should have in our car in the event of roadside trouble. According to the article, items we should have in our car, include:A cell phone with a car charger.Jumper cables in the event ...
Lots of parents have no time for children
How much you may, or may not, enjoy spending time with your children probably depends upon a number of factors.• The number of times in the last hour you’ve had to beg a 3-year-old, “Please stop banging the wooden spoon on the frying pan” while you struggled to open your ...
Saving causes a bundle of problems
According to a recent survey, we now pay more for devices that enable us to do important things — such as play Angry Birds — than we do for services that enable us to NOT do things, such as freeze to death. The survey found that 63 percent of Americans ...
Newsweek needs to watch its language
Times must be a lot tougher than I thought in the magazine publishing business. Because at Newsweek, the budget apparently no longer even has enough money to pay for asterisks.In many publications that don’t include photos of unclothed women, asterisks are the symbols used in place of letters contained in ...
They call it the Super Bowl, not the Salad Bowl
Gisele Bundchen isn’t the only wife who obviously doesn’t understand the rules for watching football games.After seeing her quarterback husband, Tom Brady, and the New England Patriots lose in the Super Bowl last Sunday, the supermodel publicly and profanely criticized his teammates.Her rant generated a blitz of heated reactions. “Super ...
D.L. Stewart: Why does grandma smell like greasy grass?
Ladies, if all your efforts to look younger, feel younger and act younger no longer seem to be getting the job done, Harvey Prince & Co. has the answer.You need a perfume called “Ageless.” At $98 for 3.4 ounces, “Ageless” is quite a bit more expensive than other products that ...
Your right not to pass may be about to pass
Apparently concerned that Ohio is falling behind in the production of NASCAR drivers, a state legislator has proposed a bill that would make it illegal to drive anywhere in the immediate vicinity of the legal speed limit.The bill introduced by state Rep. Ron Maag, R-Lebanon, would make it a misdemeanor ...
Super bowled over by big game’s ticket prices
The average price for a ticket to the first of what has come to be known as the Super Bowl was $12. The public, at least those of the public who were aware of the game, were outraged by the price and a third of the tickets at the Los ...
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