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D.L. Stewart: Have any potato flavored chips?
As I was cruising the grocery store the other day, my cellphone rang. The photo on the screen indicated that the caller was my wife, but I answered it anyway.“Don’t forget to pick up potato chips,” she reminded me.“What kind?” I asked.“What do you mean, ‘what kind?’ ”“Do you want ...
Looking young goes to birds
Every time I’m ready to concede that women are the smarter of the two most popular genders, along comes a story like the one I just read about women smearing Japanese bird poop on their faces.To be totally accurate, the reporter who wrote the story for The New York Times ...
The good old days were a lot shinier
The shoes were too scruffy to wear to work, but not yet battered enough to throw away or to be worn only for working in the garden. So I did something I hadn’t done in years.I shined them.Shining my shoes used to be an everyday event. Or, at least, a ...
Credit card crooks take aim at columnist’s wallet
Is there a target on my back? Is there a sign that says, “Bilk me”? Have the bad guys of the world checked me out and decided that I’m the easiest mark in town?Not that I’m paranoid, or anything. And I like to think I’m pretty savvy when it comes ...
A city that remembers its Sabbath
JERUSALEM — This is a city where they take the Fourth Commandment seriously.It’s a city where shopping malls close on Friday evening and don’t open again until 40 minutes after sunset on Saturday. A city where visitors need to double-check their guidebooks to see if the restaurant they read about ...
Staying vigilant pays off in Israel
METULLA, ISRAEL — “When you told them you were coming to Israel,” Kobi Marom said, “I’m sure you’re neighbors said, ‘Are you crazy?’ ”Standing on a promontory in this northernmost outpost of Israel, the former Israeli Defense For- ces colonel pointed to a small town on the other side of ...
Israel trip is a learning experience
Assigning titles to the twigs on my family tree always has been a problem for me, so I have no idea what to call my wife’s sister’s daughter’s daughter. Is she my great-niece? Step-niece? Niece-in-law? And I won’t even try to guess how I might be related to my wife’s ...
Buying new car not light decision
An amber warning light appeared on my car’s dashboard the other day, which is something that’s been happening with increasing regularity.This time the amber light indicated that I was out of gas, which surprised me, because I was pulling out of the gas station at the time after a $52 ...
Free fares are a flight of fancy
Whoever came up with the phrase “the best things in life are free” obviously never tried to use his or her frequent flier points. Which is a lesson my wife and I learn as we are making plans for an upcoming overseas trip.By faithfully using my airline-affiliated credit card for ...
Commentary: Big Easy paper’s cutback a shame
As much as I enjoy visiting New Orleans, I’m glad I don’t live there, because I’m a creature of inflexible morning habit. If my day doesn’t start with a glass of unsweetened grapefruit juice, a cup of coffee and a morning newspaper, I’m grumpy. Or grumpier.And while New Orleans probably ...
Commentary: Nameless American idol dies
One of my all-time favorite singers died last week, and I never knew his name.According to a brief item in this newspaper, his name was Herb Reed, he was 83 years old and he was the last original member of The Platters, a ’50s group that specialized in two-minute ballads ...
Commentary: Teacher’s ‘joke’ was not so funny
After years as an inveterate curmudgeon and professional ridiculer, I fear I may have developed a sensitive side in spite of myself.This unexpected aspect of my personality snuck up on me the other day when I read about the schoolgirl in Arizona who frequently didn’t do her homework.Faced with that ...
He’s going on a months-long diet to help wife’s figure
Even though I’m pretty sure the numbers barely had made it into triple digits when my wife stepped off the bathroom scale the other day, she repeated her annual spring lament:“I’ve got to lose five pounds.”They were the words I had been dreading ever since the end of winter, because ...
Commentary: An invention that got just a little out of control
The year 1955 was a big one for inventions. It brought us Velcro, Play-Doh and that green bean with mushroom soup glop that is required by law to be on every American’s Thanksgiving Day dinner tableBut when it came to making us fat, dumb and happy, no one did more ...
Wowed by the power of a brain
It takes a lot to make me say: “Wow.”Neil Armstrong setting foot on the moon. Osama Bin Laden being tracked down. The Cleveland Browns managing two consecutive first downs against the Baltimore Ravens. (Although maybe I only imagined that.)But when I read the other day about a Massachusetts woman who ...
A father, 11 mothers and 30 children? Oy vey!
One of the many marvelous words in the Yiddish language is “chutzpah,” the classic illustration of which is: A man kills his parents, then throws himself on the mercy of the court because he’s an orphan.But a man in Tennessee has given the old word a new twist.At the age ...
Costs add up for city chickens
Chickens are good things. Without them, chicken cacciatore wouldn’t be much more than lumpy spaghetti sauce, arroz con pollo would be arroz con nada and Col. Sanders would have been just another guy in a white suit.And now chickens are showing up in America’s backyards. It’s part of something called ...
D.L. Stewart: Hooked by seafood restaurant tip policy
It could be the sign of good restaurant if it’s so popular that you can’t get in. But what does it say about the place if you can’t get out?According to the Huffington Post, that’s what happened to Jasmine Marks and four members of her family when they ate at ...
School says no to sexy song
D’Avonti Meadows’ mother was “floored.”As reported by the Associated Press on Tuesday, D’Avonti recently was suspended from his suburban Denver school for what was termed sexual harassment. The specific harassment involved was singing “I’m sexy and I know it,” which is a line from a song performed by a group ...
What’s under YOUR pants, gentlemen?
Here’s the latest word from the world of men’s fashion: You’re not really cool, guys, if you aren’t wearing $100 underpants.As The New York Times (All the Underwear News That’s Fit to Print) reported last week, recent developments in the exciting field of men’s underpants suggest that “men are embarking ...
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