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Votto finally opens up about depression

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By Hal McCoy, Staff Writer Updated 7:50 AM Wednesday, June 24, 2009

TORONTO — In the end, it was all about his father.

Without being asked, Joey Votto unburdened himself to the media before the game Tuesday, June 23, in Rogers Centre, citing the death of his father last August as the root of his depression.

“It got to the point where I thought I was going to die,” Votto said after revealing that he called 911 for a hospital trip while the Cincinnati Reds were in St. Louis in early June.

“I’ve had friends from Toronto come down to be with me because there were nights when I couldn’t be alone,” Votto said. “The one night I was alone, the first night, was the night I called 911.”

It all began when his 52-year-old father, Joseph, died last August — the guy who listened to or watched every Reds game, the guy who taught him how to play baseball, the guy who played catch with him every day.

Votto took a week off for bereavement, then returned to the Reds, but his father was over his shoulder every moment of every day.

“My first day back I put it on a back burner and just played baseball from August to the end of September,” he said. “From the beginning of the offseason to the beginning of spring training, I was severely depressed — dealing with sadness, fear and anxieties.”

Votto was by himself in Florida, “And it was tough to deal with, and I was looking forward to baseball in February. Then I did the same thing as last August and threw my emotions aside and just played baseball again.”

It was working until May when Votto had an upper respiratory problem and an inner ear infection that took him off the field.

“Taking the time away from baseball and recovering from being sick was the first time all my emotions hit me, and they hit me 100 times harder than what I was dealing with in the offseason,” Votto said.

Votto said the first two times he left games, in Arizona and San Diego, it was because he was recovering from the illnesses, but he could tell there was more happening, a feeling of anxiety.

“The third time was in Milwaukee, and I was totally overwhelmed,” he said. “Anxiety and panic attacks overwhelmed me, so that I had to go to the hospital twice, once in San Diego and the 911 call in Cincinnati.

“The 911 call was a very scary and crazy night,” he said. “Probably the scariest moment I’ve had to deal with in my life. The days I left the field were miniature versions of what I was dealing with when I was by myself.”

Votto says he plans to spend more time with his three brothers, his mother and a myriad of friends, and said he is seeing doctors.

“I’ve been struggling so much with this in my private life, even though I’d go on the field and do well,” he said. “Going out on the field? I couldn’t do it anymore because I was so overwhelmed. The stuff I was dealing with finally seeped its way onto the game. I had to put an end to it, because I just couldn’t be out there.”

Votto talked to his Reds teammates last week and a couple of times to manager Dusty Baker and said, “Everybody in the Reds organization surprised me with how supportive they’ve been.”

Added Votto, “I’m seeing a couple of doctors and speaking to people and letting people know what I’m dealing with, how difficult the grieving process is. It is helping. But I’m the oldest brother and I feel I’m responsible for my family. Maybe I have a proclivity for depression and anxiety.”

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