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Despite the occasional references to her in the news media, I never really knew much about Paris Hilton before this week. I understood that she was famous and, judging by her photos, not bad looking. Other than that, though, all I knew is that she apparently spends a lot of her time hanging around with other famous women, all of whom look exactly alike to me.

The reason I didn't know anymore about her until now is simple: I never cared.

But since she is running for president, I realized it was my civic duty as an informed American to find out as much as I can about her, starting with an in-depth study of whatever photos there might of her out there on the Internet.

In the unlikely event that you were somehow able to avoid the "news" that Hilton was running for president, here's how it happened.

John McCain, who also is running for president, recently approved a campaign ad claiming that Barack Obama was nothing more than a celebrity, comparing him to Hilton and Britney Spears. So Hilton responded with a video on the Web site Funny or Die (www.funnyordie.com), which she recorded while lounging poolside in a bathing suit and a pair of pumps.

"Hey America, I'm Paris Hilton and I'm a celebrity, too," she declared. "Only I'm not from the olden days and I'm not promising change like that other guy. I'm just hot. But then that wrinkly, white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which I guess means I'm running for president. So thanks for the endorsement, white-haired dude."

"I want America to know that I'm, like, totally ready to lead."

The video immediately hit the Internet, including Wikipedia, which reported, "Her response impressed many outside her immediate fans by its eloquence ... "

An Australian television station reporting on the "socialite's cheeky campaign ad" claimed that she had announced that her runningmate would be Rihanna, her first official act would be to paint the White House pink and that her campaign slogan will be "That's hot."

Hilton, my research discovered, has a long list of credentials that neither McCain nor Obama can match. Her self-titled album was praised as "more fun than anything released by Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson;" a vocalist can't hope for much higher praise than that. Her performance in the movie "House of Wax," won the Teen Choice Award for "Best Scream." She also received a nomination for "Best Frightened Performance" at the 2006 MTV Movie Awards." Not only does she have her own line of perfume, she recently posed nude to promote an Italian wine that is sold in cans. When it comes to posing nude for canned wine, Paris Hilton clearly is a better choice than John McCain.

There is, I suppose, that thing about having to rewrite the Constitution to allow a 27-year-old to become president. But maybe it's time for that. We've been electing guys older than age of 35 for the past 200 years and what good has it done us?

So if Paris Hilton throws her hat, or other article of clothing, into the ring, I definitely will get behind her.

Even though I'm not too crazy about her playing the wrinkly, white-haired guy card.

Contact this writer at 225-2439 or at dlstewart@DaytonDaily News.com.