Took my son to see “Iron Man 2” for his birthday. I decided to regale the new 10-year-old and his pals with tales of the real Iron Man, Cal Ripken Jr. Sadly, all I got were blank stares and inquiries about Ripken’s flying ability. When they asked what kind of car he drives, I put a popcorn bucket on my head and asked where I could find “Hot Tub Time Machine.”

Battered bunch: The Reds’ pitching rotation was supposed to be strong, but the best arm Cincinnati can send to the mound is a rookie who skipped the minors. Mike Leake is worth the price of admission, but he could hit his innings limit by Labor Day.

Overpaid veterans Aaron Harang and Bronson Arroyo, who together will make $24 million this season — one-third of the Reds’ payroll — have been as effective as border patrols on the Arizona-Mexico line. Johnny Cueto and Homer Bailey throw more pitches than Billy Mays ever did.

Might be time to see what Aroldis Chapman can do.

Are you serious? The Bengals are too much. Pacman Jones? If you had any doubt that the NFL is 97 percent about winning and 3 percent about character, consider that at the same time the Bengals signed Jones — who has been arrested more times than Lawrence Taylor (well, maybe) — they cut former Ohio State standout Antonio Smith.

Pacman makes it rain indoors and hangs out with guys who shoot people. Smith got into OSU on an academic scholarship.

Bluegrass is green: Let me get this straight: John Calipari tells one of his errand boys to start a rumor that he’s intrigued by the Chicago Bulls job. This sends all of Kentucky into a panic and UK promises to give Coach Cal the other half of Fort Knox.

If Calipari doesn’t understand how good he’s got it, put him on a bus to the Windy City.

Quick hits: I’m slow to catch on to fashion trends — shocking, I know — but I’ve noticed one that has me shaking my head. What’s with guys wearing elf shoes? ... White Castle is coming out with slider-scented candles. Perfect stocking stuffers. ... Tiger Woods should feel comfortable at The Players Championship, played at The Players Stadium Course. I’m sure there’s a Players Lounge on the premises, too.

Contact this reporter at (937) 225-2163 or bkollars@DaytonDailyNews.com.