After months of arguing, praying, crying and sleepless nights, my wife and I finally have agreed to take a life-altering step.

We’re going to buy a new computer. Probably.

I say “probably” because the subject of buying a new computer comes up about once a week at our house and we still haven’t done it due to the fact that there’s only one thing we know for certain about them: Whichever computer we buy will be the wrong one.

A few years ago, for instance, we became frustrated by the fact that our wheezy old Mac no longer seemed as spry as it once was. The reason, as nearly as we could understand, was that it had insufficient megadoodles.

So we did a lot of research — which consisted mostly of consulting every person we knew under the age of 25 — and bought the newest PC on the market. Two weeks later, the reviews came out declaring that it possibly was the worst PC ever made and anyone who bought one must be dumb as a box of rocks.

So now it sits, seldom used, on a shelf.

We don’t expect to be much more successful with our next computer. And, even if we do inadvertently wind up with the very best, very latest one available to mankind, it will be a short-lived triumph.

Because in modern technology, there’s no such thing as “the very latest.”

Last year, I went to a phone store and bought “the very latest” BlackBerry, which came with a whole bunch of features I didn’t need and wouldn’t be able to operate even if I did. A month later, I took it to a different phone store and asked the youngster behind the counter how to use a certain function.

“Oh, wow,” he said. “I haven’t seen one of these things in a long time. I didn’t know they even made them anymore.”

“I bought it a month ago,” I informed him.

“Yeah, that’s what I mean.”

So I’m pretty certain that every time a Steve Jobs or a Bill Gates introduces what they swear is the very latest technological marvel, they have an even newer marvel in their garages waiting to take its place.

But if and when we do buy a new computer, our next major purchase probably will be a new car.

I’m guessing it’ll be an Edsel.

Contact D.L. Stewart at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com.