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Verdict: A by-the-numbers but fairly pleasant David-vs.-Goliath comedy, on ice.

Details: Starring Russell Crowe, Hank Azaria and Burt Reynolds. Rated R for profanity and sexuality. 1 hour, 58 minutes.

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Review: There's not much mystery to "Mystery, Alaska," a by-the-numbers mixture of "Northern Exposure," "The Mighty Ducks" and any small-town comedy-drama about sexual intrigue.

TV whiz David E. Kelley ("Ally McBeal," "The Practice," etc., etc.) co-produced and co-wrote the flick. While it lacks the tin-eared dialogue of his dumb crocodile-attack movie, "Lake Placid," "Alaska" is a soggy series of bite-size vignettes and spoon-fed emotions, suitable for commercial breaks — except for the addition of raunchy humor and profanity to justify the big-screen treatment.

For all that, it's still pretty watchable. But you know you're in the land of pandering when a movie's first line includes a big four-letter word spouted by an adorable tyke to get an easy laugh.

The kid belongs to John Biebe (Russell Crowe), the sheriff of tiny, snowy Mystery (a made-up locale, created for the film in Alberta, Canada). He's a team member of the revered Saturday Game. That's the tiny town's main event, a weekly hockey demonstration of speed and strength on an iced-over pond. When a former local named Danner (Hank Azaria) writes about the team in Sports Illustrated, the publicity snowballs (ha-ha) into the chance to play a promotional match against the New York Rangers of the National Hockey League.

That is, if the Mysteriosans are willing to take on the pros, at the risk of their pride. The stern former coach, Judge Burns (Burt Reynolds), warns the locals to shirk the limelight and cling to "our dignity and our illusions." But we know it's only a matter of time before these snowbound Davids will do their best to beat the Gotham Goliaths, not with slings but with hockey sticks.

During this holding pattern until the Big Game, the screen fills up with your usual lovable small-town eccentrics, including horndog Skank (Ron Eldard), who's having an affair with Mary Jane (Lolita Davidovich), who happens to be married to the mayor (Colm Meaney). Meanwhile, Danner gets all flirty-eyed with John's wife, Donna (Mary McCormack). The movie piles on jokes about teenage sex in snowplows, jokes about a drunken driver on a Zamboni, condom jokes, shovel-upside-the-head jokes and puck-to-the-crotch jokes.

One character has a heart attack, to stir up cheap sentiment, and you can bet that some old friend will leave a hockey puck on his grave as a show of love.

When Crowe, who is fine in a brooding, low-key role, has to deliver the eulogy at the dead man's funeral, he rallies the crowd with the assertion, "We're a hockey town." You might find yourself wondering, well, what the heck else could it be, since ice is the burg's only abundant commodity?

On the plus side, "Mystery, Alaska" has a generous spirit. It loves its cliches and stick figures so much that you almost do too. It's a safe date movie, because you don't have to pay attention to know exactly where it's headed.

It helps that the strong cast includes the likes of Maury Chaikin as the local lawyer, Michael McKean as a corporate slimeball and Judith Ivey as Reynolds' wife (she has a priceless comic bit when trying to act calm while her teenage daughter blurts out details of her budding sex life).

Oh, and did I mention that Little Richard shows up, and so does Mike Myers as a sportscaster, maybe as a favor to director Jay Roach, who helmed both "Austin Powers" flicks?

— Steve Murray, Cox News Service

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