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Verdict: An unnecessary remake of the unmemorable "Can't Buy Me Love."

By ROGER MOORE
Orlando Sentinel

For generations, kids have clamored for a version of the 1987 classic "Can't Buy Me Love" that they could call their own.

OK, for maybe half a generation. And maybe "clamored" is too strong, too. Classic? That word doesn't really fit in the same sentence with "The Films of Patrick Dempsey," whose inexplicable '80s stardom must have involved relatives in high places.

All right, does anybody even remember the one non-John Hughes teen comedy of the '80s? Show of hands.

"Love Don't Cost a Thing" is a charmless, Afro-centric spin on "Can't Buy Me Love." It's about a sweet, sensitive nerd who works out a deal with the prettiest girl in high school. He'll fix her mommy's Escalade (he is an auto-engineering whiz). All she has to do in payment is be his arm candy for a few weeks.

Nick Cannon, who looks and hams like the last and least of the Wayans brothers, is Alvin the pool boy, one of the "invisible" at his high school. Smart Ñ he's building a car engine for a college scholarship, and rebuilding an ancient Ford with his nerd buddies Ñ and industrious (he cleans pools for car cash) he knows his life is missing something. He can't go through high school without a date.

So when Paris, the prettiest girl in school (Christina Milian) wrecks her mommy's car, Al makes his move. Body work for body adornment. Al fixes the Caddy crack-up. Paris will crack him into the in-crowd, make him seem appealing.

The way this thing works, if that's the right word, is that we see how charming and sensitive Al is until he turns shallow to fit in. And we see how much more interesting Paris is once she stops throwing herself at her NBA rookie beau and the other vain and pretty folk of her circle.

Except the movie spends no time setting Al up as anything like a prize. Adapter-director Troy Beyer lets Al's '70s hair and '90s fashions do the work. He dresses badly, therefore he is worthless. Paris does a quick makeover and our boy is changed.

Paris, on the other hand, Beyer just gawks over. Understandably so. There's no chemistry between the stars, thanks to too few moments when they could set off sparks.

Toothy comic Steve Harvey makes an interesting distraction as the plumber-dad who is too-too into '60s soul (Al is named for Al Green) and too-too proud that his boy is becoming a "playa."

The nerd crew is less interesting, featuring a "Dude, Where's My Car" cast-off and Kenan Thompson, formerly of Kenan and Kel, this generation's Re-Run.

Movies have a hard time tapping into teen culture - clothes by Sean John, slang by Snoop Dogg - because what's hip today won't be when the movie comes out a year from now. It doesn't help when you're recycling a premise that really wasn't all that when it was new.

The new title and new cast don't save it. "Love Don't Cost a Thing" but 100 minutes you could spend doing something more entertaining.