OxfordPress.com

Grade: C+

Verdict: Ah-nuld's action hero days might be over.

Details: Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, John Leguizamo, Francesca Neri, Elias Koteas and John Turturro. Directed by Andrew Davis. Rated R for violence and some language. 1 hour, 50 minutes.

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Review: It's hard to dislike Ah-nuld Schwarzenegger, da big lug, ever since he appeared in Conan The Barbarian as a language-mangling maniac with a good-time creed: "Crush your enemies, drive them before you and hear da lamentations of da women."

The joy of guy flicks!

But times are tough for aging cyborgs. His last two films tanked, and shoot-'em-ups have changed since Schwarzenegger regularly dispatched baddies with a bon mot and a blast of righteous firepower. Can Ah-nuld rule a new box office besotted by Kong-fu acrobatics and lithe action heroes dangling Matrix-style in mid-air?

If Collateral Damage is any indication, the answer is, sadly: Hasta la vista, baby. You're terminated.

Of course, Collateral Damage might have been damaged goods, anyway. The film's original fall opening was delayed after Sept. 11, and it's easy to see why: In the opening sequence, Schwarzenegger plays a firefighter rushing into a burning building. The movie sports further signs of pre-homeland security, with a villain slipping smoothly through customs and D.C.'s most fortified government headquarters.

Still, it begins solidly in the revenge saga mold: Schwarzenegger is good-hearted Los Angeles fireman Gordy Brewer, a real hero who loves his wife and oh-so-adorable son.

Loves them so much you know something bad is going to happen.

As he's about to meet them at an outdoor plaza, a bomb rips through a nearby Colombian consulate and kills his family. It's the mark of "El Lobo" (The Wolf), a terrorist protesting CIA involvement in Colombia's drug-infested civil war.

But U.S. government officials want peace at any cost, making Gordy's family acceptable "collateral damage." So Schwarzenegger squints his eye (to show he's really mad) and seeks justice the old-fashioned way.

It's best not to question some action-movie antics, such as how Gordy makes his way into the Colombian jungles, jumping down waterfalls, fashioning crude bombs and generally wreaking havoc in his single-minded pursuit of The Wolf (Cliff Curtis). He's Ah-nuld.

Even so, the movie begins sputtering fairly early, with enervated pacing, cheapo sets, a silly CIA subplot and tin-eared dialogue. (Hard to believe that Andrew Davis, who once directed those tight thrill-rides Under Siege and The Fugitive, is responsible.)

Collateral Damage also takes a bizarro turn into near-camp: John Turturro inexplicably shows up as a curly-haired Canadian, saying such lines as "That's using the old noggin." And John Leguizamo follows as a slang-spouting cocaine cowboy in a Metallica T-shirt, who dreams of being a rapper. What the . . . ?

Then, Gordy forms a bond with a mysterious woman (Francesca Neri) and her deaf son, which makes absolutely no sense. Except that screenwriters Peter and David Griffiths need it to engineer a last-minute plot twist and rousing climax that's just enough to leave an audience sated.

As expected in Ah-nuld land, fight scenes and big explosions rule. But Davis lacks the wizardly fizz of a smart pop director like James Cameron. (There is one neat gadget -- a stun gun with wires -- and a truly gross moment involving a snake and a pair of pliers.)

Schwarzenegger does his journeyman best, but he's hamstrung by a lame script and colorless co-stars. As an ultimate sign of the film's failure, he doesn't have one snappy retort. No "I'll be baaack." No "Consider this a divorce." Unbelievable!

Collateral Damage is your grandpa's action movie, and it won't appeal to pimply teens. But Ah-nuld will be baaack: Perhaps sensing that no amount of damage control could save Collateral Damage, he just signed up to make another Terminator movie. Now that's using the old noggin.

— Larry Aydlette, Cox News Service