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Home > Blogs > Women's Life > Archives > 2011 > July > 25 > Entry
5 annoying things newlyweds can expect to deal with after the wedding
This is for all the fiancees out there, eagerly awaiting the wedding day (or just wishing it was over already) so you can finally breathe that big sigh of relief you’ve been holding since you got engaged.
But you may want to take another gulp of air after your ceremony, because it ain’t over yet. Here are five of the most well-intended but irritating things you can expect to deal with after you’ve tied the knot:
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage. Or…not. But even if babymaking isn’t on your calendar for a while, expect everyone else to be asking about your plans. This is especially true for parents and other family members eager for you to start popping out the grandbabies, but also applies to coworkers, friends and acquaintances, and almost anyone who hears you’re recently married. While it’s just post-wedding small talk to most people, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s a pretty personal question about a pretty personal decision, and you don’t need to feel pressed to give a specific answer. “Someday” is good enough for most people - or, if you’re not sure kids are even in the long-term plan, throw in a “maybe.”
“How’s married life treating you?” is probably the second most commonly asked question of newlyweds, following the baby question. I’ve even been guilty of asking it. although I’m not sure what answer I (or anyone else) expect. Marriage itself doesn’t change a lot of the everyday stuff, at least in my experience. Sure, you’re now living together (if you weren’t already), and you’ll have to get used to a scrawling a different signature on your checks and being called “Mrs. New Name.” But overall, life still follows the same pattern of get up, go to work, come home and do it all over again, except now you’re doing that pattern in tandem with another person. One tongue-in-cheek way to brush off this question without getting into personal details is, “Well, we haven’t gotten a divorce yet!”
Invitations for dinner, lunch, brunch, or other catching-up appointments may follow your wedding, particularly from those who hadn’t seen much of you while you were wrapped up in the planning stages. Fact is, you just got done putting on this huge, expensive, time-consuming event - even if you hired others to take care of most of the details, you and your spouse were still the stars of the show, and that alone is exhausting. You’re well within your right to take a few days, or weeks, or maybe even months to yourselves and dodge those invitations as needed - although you might throw a bone to the friends or relatives who traveled from out of town to see you on your special day and aren’t likely to see you again soon.
Oh, you thought the hard work was done just because the wedding is over? Think again. Whereas before you were consumed with budgets, vendor contracts, guest lists and cake samples, the no-longer-the-bride has to get her dress cleaned and figure out what she’s doing to preserve it (if anything), apply for a new Social Security card with her married name, get a new driver’s license and passport to match, use those to change her name everywhere else, make sure everyone has an updated address and handle any registry returns. Then there’s figuring out how to handle taxes, joint finances, insurance and beneficiaries…the paperwork alone may make you question your own wisdom in deciding to go through with this in the first place. What makes it harder is, unlike the wedding, a lot of these things don’t have deadlines and are easy to put off. My wedding dress stayed in the trunk of my car for months following the wedding before I finally had it dry-cleaned.
Nothing makes you regret inviting more than a handful of people to the wedding like writing out thank-you notes. These could just be grouped up with other post-wedding to-do’s, but I think they deserve their own special category, because they are their own special kind of hell. Now don’t get me wrong, they’re not something to be blown off - that would be just plain rude. But writing them is plain no fun, especially because it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long since you sent the notes from the bridal shower and the bachelorette party. There are only so many things that can be said about a salad spinner, so you learn to write in your biggest, swoopiest handwriting just to fill the space. The best thing you can do is get them out of the way ASAP so you can get around to the more fun parts of newlywed life.
Are there any newlywed annoyances you think I should have included? Have you been guilty of making post-wedding small talk? Share it in the comments.
Permalink | Comments (10) | Post your comment | Categories: Marriage
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By Maxed out the plastic
July 25, 2011 3:35 PM | Link to this
Paying the bills coming in from the honeymoon.
By Budget More
July 25, 2011 7:32 PM | Link to this
Maxed, perhaps you should not have taken a honeymoon then? Saved up the money (actual cash) for the cost ahead of time.
By Nancy in Piqua
July 25, 2011 9:37 PM | Link to this
Anyone who answers “how is married life treating you?” with “Well, we haven’t gotten a divorce yet!” deserves for people to question if it’s going well or feel slapped by your sarcasm if they got the joke. And for anyone receiving gifts who thinks thank you notes is a big chore “WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH”. Grow up. People spent big money on you; a thank you note is the very least you can do. If you have to write a ton of notes you got a ton of gifts. Be happy.
By ssdf
July 26, 2011 5:46 AM | Link to this
Find your own spiritual place in the world. Both together and individually. It may not be a “church” or “religion”. The worst thing is to have the bible thumpers pounding on you regarding what they perceive is “proper” marriage. After all, many of them have failed. You and your mate would do better to listen to your own instinct and internal feelings. If Christian, Muslim or Jewish; so be it. If Wiccan or Druid; so be it. If deep personal serenity; so be it.
By Budget is a midget mind
July 26, 2011 9:41 AM | Link to this
To budget I have the cash. I don’t want to run around Acapulco with 5 grand hanging out of my pocket. I’ll tell Manuel you are coming full of cash for the picking.
By Richard loves Peter
July 26, 2011 12:32 PM | Link to this
We are going to NYNY to have the most wonderful wedding. He will wear a white suit and mine will be dark gray. We will make the most wonderful married couple. My question is, will Ohio acknowledge our marital status. They will have to, Oh I am so happy.
By StinkyFelix
July 26, 2011 2:08 PM | Link to this
My advice to the engaged couple is this: No matter how tough your wedding plans become in dealing with a “BatteringRam Mom or Mother-in-Law-to-be”, make all decisions, your own.” Nuff Said.
By smart
July 26, 2011 4:11 PM | Link to this
We saved a huge amount of money by not having a wedding, went to Mayor and got married. 27 years, 5 kids, 2 grandsons and no regrets.It was nice starting out without being in massive debt over a stupid wedding ceremony. Save yourself a lot of headaches and debt and just elope.
By Marisa Becker
July 26, 2011 5:19 PM | Link to this
@Nancy in Piqua, please understand I meant this post mostly in jest. I agree that thank-you notes are important and should be sent, but just like many other chores that are important and should be done (laundry, dishes, yardwork…) it’s not always the most enjoyable thing to actually sit down and do. Grin and bear it is the best I can offer.
By Ms
July 26, 2011 8:56 PM | Link to this
Why should a lady have to give up her identity when she marries? I cringe when a lady is referred to as Mrs. John Doe! Its bad enough to change the last name, but to also loose their first name is unforgivable. I refused to change my last name. Why don’t men change their names? I don’t mind the hyphenated names created to show the union. Let the children decide which name to use!