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Saturday, May 14, 2011
Are you in touch with your masculine side?
You’re probably familiar with the symbol of the yin yang - an orb, half black and half white, with a small white dot in the black side and a small black dot in the white side. It’s a symbol of balance, a way of saying that nothing is ever completely one way or another, and that opposite forces naturally give rise to one another and exist in equality.
Yin and yang are also terms for feminine and masculine energy or essence (yin being feminine and yang being masculine). Read this way, the yin yang illustrates that the masculine yang coexists with feminine yin, and vice versa.
Nowadays, heterosexual men who like shopping, chick flicks and manicures are called metrosexual, flamboyant or, in some cases, hipsters, but it used to be that men who expressed interest in traditionally womanly things or were emotionally sensitive were described as being “in touch with their feminine sides.”
But let’s look at the inverse: women who are in touch with their masculine sides. What does this mean for femininity?
Speaking for myself, I have been pretty aware of my yang side for most of my life.
I grew up playing with my brother, nearly three years younger than me. He sometimes played with my Barbies and Pound Puppies, while I sometimes played with his Hot Wheels and dinosaurs.
I remember a three-foot-long white jet plane he had; the cockpit opened to reveal two seats, and I had a small Barbie baby that perfectly fit in one of the seats. We made up all kinds of missions for the baby fighter pilot to fly, and interestingly, it was my brother who lent his voice to her character.
I also remember my dad’s reaction when he came home for lunch one day and found my brother and I playing the Pretty Pretty Princess board game together. Jonathan was fully decked out — clip-on earrings, plastic bead necklace, crown and all. Papa didn’t find it very Pretty Pretty.
Even as I entered my adolescence, I didn’t consider myself a girly-girl, although I wasn’t really a tomboy either. I hated pink. I didn’t swoon over the pretty boys of N’Sync and Backstreet Boys the way my girlfriends did. I did like wearing dresses for dances, painting my nails (which never lasted because I was, and am to this day, a nail-biter) and riding horses. But I also liked going fishing on camping trips, playing racecar games on my brother’s Nintendo 64, and drawing lots and lots of dragons.
So for me, it’s always been pretty normal to exist somewhere in the middle of the gender-identity spectrum. My masculine interests don’t make me feel any less feminine. I can be a weight-lifter and a pole-dancer at the same time and enjoy both for different reasons.
The media loves stories about people crossing traditional gender boundaries, but there’s a notable double-standard. When men are seen being feminine, or even just well-dressed, it prompts the lascivious “Is he straight or gay?” gossip - think Adam Lambert and Russell Brand for some recent examples. When females do something masculine, it’s often framed as being empowering - think Danica Patrick. Rarely is their sexual orientation questioned - rather, a woman in a ‘man’s realm’ is often sexualized or fetishized.
While I do think this is a distortion of feminism, I suppose I’d rather see the tabloids glorifying a woman for her masculinity than trying to guess how much weight she’s gained or how much plastic surgery she’s had. At least it recognizes an aspect of her personality and individuality, not just her body.
Politics, which is still very much a ‘man’s realm’ despite an increased representation of women, provides us two examples of powerful women demonstrating different gender roles: Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton. Palin comes across as more feminine, emphasizing her role as a mother and wife and appealing to the public’s emotions, while Clinton appears more masculine, highlighting her political and career achievements and demonstrating decisiveness and a tough attitude. In public apperances, Palin was emotionally expressive, with her wide smile and winking, while Clinton was outwardly stoic and businesslike.
This has played to the tastes of each of their audiences while giving one another ammunition against the opponent. Palin’s interest in hunting and hockey played a large role in the 2008 campaign partially because it added a bit of toughness to her traditional feminine persona, a desirable trait for someone in the executive branch. Her opponents twisted it to make her look ignorant, primitive or backwoods. Likewise, when Clinton’s voice cracked and her eyes teared up when speaking about caring for her country at a publicity event, some praised this ‘break’ in her steely demeanor while others decried it as a sign of weakness or doubted her authenticity.
You might just say that each of these successful, high-profile women is in touch with her masculine side, in different ways, and that appealed to at least part of each woman’s political constituency. So we see that it’s okay, even desirable, for women to be at little masculine while men are expected to be close to 100% masculine. Remember how much John Boehner was mocked for getting teary-eyed, arguably at moments when tears weren’t entirely inappropriate? Or for being tan?
As the yin yang shows us, one gender does not cancel out the other. Both genders can be, and often are, represented and expressed in the same person, regardless of their biological sex. So the question of what it means for femininity to be in touch with one’s masculine side, is a trick question. Likewise, it doesn’t devalue masculinity to be in touch with one’s feminine side.
Instead of framing it as a weakness or a strength, we should just see it as another way of being well-rounded. It can even be construed as a skill, because a person who can relate to the opposite gender gains a certain amount of perspective and insight into an experience that is otherwise alien.
And when it comes to getting along with one another on this big, diverse planet, a little perspective and compassion can never hurt.
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