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Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Wed like an Egyptian
I read an article on NPR.org today about Egyptian writer Ghada Abdul-Aal, pegged as “Carrie Bradshaw in a headscarf.”
Abdul-Aal started a blog called “I Want to Get Married” that poked fun at the intense pressure Arab women are under to get married before they turn 30. The blog evolved into a best-selling book and then a TV show, a la Sex and the City without the promiscuity.
“Thirty is the death sentence for single women,” Abdul-Aal says. “When you are 30, it’s like you have this big label of, like, failure, or pathetic or ugly.”
Click on the link above to read more about the realities of getting married in a conservative Muslim society. An English translation of her book will be published in the fall.
In trying to put this attitude into a Western context, I couldn’t help but think that our society has a similar expectation of its women; we’re just subtle about it.
Try to think of a movie made (or a book written) in the past few decades that starred an adult woman as the lead character, in which marriage/a committed relationship/”getting the guy” isn’t the goal, or even on her radar. (If you can come up with one, please share; none came to my mind.)
We celebrate the woman who gets her degree and establishes herself in her career. We empower her to break the glass ceiling and earn a good income. But at some point, we also expect her to get married, even if we never say it aloud. And if she doesn’t… well, admit it, we pass judgment.
As demonstrated (and perhaps exaggerated) in our own Sex and the City, a woman in her 30s who chooses not to marry is an anomaly. For us, 30 is not so much a deadline as a red flag - as if to say, 40 is right around the corner, Missy, you’d better get your less-than-youthful butt in gear. Indeed, I’d say 40 is the age where our society slaps on the Bumper Sticker of Shame.
Do you think we pressure women to eventually get married? Are we too judgmental of those who are happy being single?
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