By sigh

January 20, 2010 11:28 AM | Link to this

What do we have to show for fifty years of contraception, abortion on demand and sexual “liberation”? Soaring rates of divorce, illegitimacy, and sexually transmitted disease. Time to turn back the clock.

By Bill

January 20, 2010 11:48 AM | Link to this

Ultimately women have to say no to men and premarital sex-on-demand. Face it, most men would love all the benefits without the commitment. What’s that saying about the cow and the milk?

By smoke & mirrors

January 20, 2010 12:13 PM | Link to this

Most guys are finding out its hard to get a fair shake in court.I hear attorneys still talk about how unfair and demeaning judge V Brigner was in court. I think its has improved greatly since he left the bench but women still get great treatment. Just like the law that requires the mother to get the child regardless until the court says different.

By smoke & mirrors

January 20, 2010 12:16 PM | Link to this

Yes, marriage is an old institution…but who in the hell wants to live in an institution?

By In _____ we trust

January 20, 2010 12:52 PM | Link to this

Marriage is a holy institution ordained by….er (a higher being) We can’t say or print the “G” word in the media. Not PC to offend the atheists.

By J

January 20, 2010 2:13 PM | Link to this

Cable tv, beer, and excessive sports haven’t exactly turned men into Prince Charmings, and many of them have the attitude that a wife is supposed to take care of them, and when she stops caring about herself, he goes out and has an affair with some barfly. It’s just not worth it.

By Ashley

January 20, 2010 2:18 PM | Link to this

Atheists aren’t ‘offended’ by the G word. We just think it’s ridiculous. We also don’t need to turn back the clock. I have no plans to marry my boyfriend of 4 years (with whom I’ve been living for over 3 years). Signing a piece of paper won’t make me love him any more than I already do. Our personal relationships shouldn’t have to be validated by the government, religion, or society.

By Leon Harrison

January 20, 2010 2:35 PM | Link to this

Personally, I paid for women during most of the past forty or so years. The next forty years are on them! But, I might consider marriage again, if a healthy wealthy sexy pretty young widow woman wants to be my financial friend.

By Carrie

January 20, 2010 2:41 PM | Link to this

I’m going on 8 years of living with my boyfriend and neither of us have any interest in participating in a prejudiced institution. Once everyone is free to marry whoever they choose, then we’ll see some value in it. Until then, we find it meaningless.

By Yada

January 20, 2010 3:00 PM | Link to this

The decline of marriage is a sign that people are less able to make the commitment that promises to love someone until “death do us part”. Marriage isn’t just a piece of paper when you make such a promise to your spouse in front of all both of your family and friends. How many single people shacking up can say that they have the same commitment without a similar public expression?

By jeanie

January 20, 2010 3:15 PM | Link to this

Bill, why must women say no to sex? Uh…some of us like it. Maybe the men should have some control over themselves?

By Ashley

January 20, 2010 3:17 PM | Link to this

How does going through a symbolic ritual suddenly make a piece of paper more than just a piece of paper? Promising to love the person you’re with is just a set of words whether or not there is an audience, and the audience being present won’t make a couple more or less likely to stay together. Why are we so wrapped up in symbols and promises? Our actions in the relationship and our treatment of one another is real and is what should be most important.

By f

January 20, 2010 3:21 PM | Link to this

the unequity in divorce cases prevents many men from considering marriage. most lose in courts no matter what, even if the wife had an affair. no fault laws and the hyprocosy of the religious have diminished the value of marriage. and granting marriage to only one class of people (male/female partnerships) is unjust, unequal and goes against the idea that everyone is created equal. if a man/woman partner can live in misery, then man/man and woman/woman should be able to also. let he without sin cast the first stone……if you believe in god, let him be your judge, don’t preach your judgement onto others.

By Scott

January 20, 2010 3:40 PM | Link to this

Ashley you are kidding yourself. Shacking up is not the same as being married. I sure your boyfriend is loving it, he gets the benefits with no commitment. When he leaves you because he is not commited, you will see what I mean

By Nicole

January 20, 2010 4:03 PM | Link to this

Yada and Scott - I agree with you both. There is something to be said about a legal agreement and a covenant. I can promise verbally to pay you back a loan, but signing loan documents creates greater accountability. Honestly, that’s what many people are missing today…ACCOUNTABILTY!

By Bill

January 20, 2010 4:04 PM | Link to this

Jeanie, you just made my point. A big problem is a girl gets knocked up or gets a disease because she “likes sex.” Then she’s 22 years old with a couple kids, maybe an STD, no education, no marriage. Unless the guy stays, she’s trapped in that life.

By Ashley

January 20, 2010 4:05 PM | Link to this

The enlighten me, how is it not the same?

By Ashley

January 20, 2010 4:11 PM | Link to this

If being married automatically makes people ‘committed’ to one another, then why do people get divorced or cheat? People who think getting married = guaranteed success in their relationships are kidding themselves.

By Lea

January 20, 2010 4:11 PM | Link to this

Had someone once say that man was actually created for serial monogamy and arranged marriages make more sense. I think I’d have to agree. And I’m married, so don’t even go there. I made a solemn vow and I will do my best.

By Bill

January 20, 2010 4:43 PM | Link to this

I always laughed at the “piece of paper” argument. Well, if it’s only paper and doesn’t mean anything, why don’t you get married then? Certainly the tax benefits and property rights of marriage make it worth it since, after all, it is just a piece of paper!

By Wife

January 20, 2010 4:52 PM | Link to this

I believe that if more couples prepared for marriage by attending pre-marital counseling and discussing their plans/wants/needs/issues instead of just “trying it out” by living together, they might emerge as responsible, committed adults who make a daily choice to love and respect their spouse and are capable of keeping their vows sacred. Some of us believe in and treasure our marriages deeply!

By single

January 20, 2010 5:31 PM | Link to this

I think that people get married now adays for security (especially men)not trying to put men down or anything and I think women do it for the feeling of having someone there even if they are miserable. I have a friend and he married not for the right reason and now they are both miserable but neither will leave they just cheat and come home not speaking to one another i just dont understand what kind of life that is?

By Ashley

January 20, 2010 5:50 PM | Link to this

I wouldn’t have a problem signing the piece of paper, we just haven’t felt like it, and that’s the whole point. Why should we have to?

By Bill

January 20, 2010 6:15 PM | Link to this

Ashley, one reason is that right now neither of you has any reason to stay if things get tough. There’s no commitment. Nothing to stop you or him from packing your bags after one bump in the road.

By Bill

January 20, 2010 6:18 PM | Link to this

…and I hate to say it Ashley but many problems in our society over the last couple decades can be traced to the breakdown of the family structure and the emergence of YOUR lifestyle.

By kitten

January 20, 2010 7:40 PM | Link to this

I already have two last names, why in the world would I get married? I’ve never been married, and the way people are today, I never want to be married!!!

By daffodilly

January 20, 2010 8:06 PM | Link to this

If it is harder to leave, face it, you may try a little harder to make it work, especially if there are children. What are your plans about having kids Ashley? Or do you already have them? Just wondering… That’s when it really gets tough in a marriage / relationship.

By Amber

January 20, 2010 10:07 PM | Link to this

In my opinion it really comes down to one thing, the generation that is in early to late twenties at this point is the age range that normally would be getting married. That generation has been raised with less responsibility and held to lower accountability than previous generations. I’m in that group myself, and I see the huge difference in my generation and previous ones. The mentality most of the generation was raised with is that someone else will fix our mistakes. And why would someone commit to something as big as marriage when they’ve been raised to not be responsible?

By oldtimer

January 21, 2010 12:20 AM | Link to this

Unless Ohio law has been changed, couples who live together over a period of time are considered married by “common law.” That means if they break up, they must get a divorce. If they don’t they are in violation of the law and subject to prosecution.

By happily married

January 21, 2010 12:25 AM | Link to this

I agree with Wife!My marriage is a wonderful, committed relationship and I am blessed with an awesome husband. Couples need premarital counceling to see what their goals are as individuals and as a couple, and to learn how to make that commitment work. Just living together to see how it works out usually ends in disaster, there is no permanent commitment to hold you together.Ashley, look at your relationship closely and re-evaluate where the 2 of you stand. Is marriage really just a piece of paper? No, it is so much more, and don’t deny yourself the blessing of being a wife!

By mommymore

January 21, 2010 2:51 AM | Link to this

“old timer”…”common law marriage” doesn’t exist in ohio anymore. “Bill”…agreed!!

By Dr. Phil

January 21, 2010 6:01 AM | Link to this

When I was growing up, getting divorced was almost scandalous. Consequently, couples stayed together, even though they were miserable. That, in my opinion, served no useful purpose.

By Yada

January 21, 2010 6:34 AM | Link to this

Ashley, it’s not about the symbolism of making that promise in front of people, it’s about making a promise that holds us to an a degree of accountability. People who shack up, are afraid of such promises and accountability. It’s about loving the person when they AREN’T so attractive to us. THAT is more than a piece of paper

By Yada

January 21, 2010 6:43 AM | Link to this

Single is right that some people get married for the wrong reasons. But everyone shacks up for the wrong reasons. They shack for the selfish reason of wanting the sex without the commitment. And children need the security of marriage. There are direct correlations between emotional problems arising in kids raised in homes without fathers.

By been there

January 21, 2010 8:34 AM | Link to this

I was married with 2 kids when one day my husband said, “I don’t want to be married anymore.” Due to no fault divorce laws I didn’t have a choice in it. That was 12 years ago and my kids are grown, successful, well adjusted young adults. I’ve been single since and so has my ex. I’m very happy with my life. My point is this; marriage is no guarantee of life long commitment, divorce is not all bad unless you make it that way, kids thrive if adults behave as adults, and what’s right for one is not necessarily right for another. Leave Ashley alone and let her find her own way. If she and her boyfriend are happy the way things are, then that may be what is right for her. I’d rather BE single than wish I were.

By redsailor

January 21, 2010 8:39 AM | Link to this

Call it the tiger woods effect, men realize you don’t have to be with one person anymore. I like many type’s of ladies. The key is to protech yourself.Ashley you seem vary happy, enjoy life.

By stacey

January 21, 2010 10:06 AM | Link to this

I does not matter if you have a piece of paper or not if your going to leave your going to leave. Thats why you have women and men out here that are on sites like married and looking for some fun or men married and looking for a one nighter. IT really does not matter its all about being committed to your other half and being happy, and true to him and her.

By Tony

January 21, 2010 12:13 PM | Link to this

Marriage exists primarily to provide a stable, loving situation for the raising of children. If you want to shack up that’s fine just don’t mess up a bunch of kids in the process.

By Leslie

January 21, 2010 12:17 PM | Link to this

A piece of paper and an expensive, unnecessary ceremony is no guarantee that the marriage will work - and who wants to be stuck in a miserable marriage or have to risk financial ruin in order to pay for a divorce? The institution of marriage is outdated as well as ridiculous. There are plenty of happy men and women with happy, healthy families who don’t find the need to validate their relationship to society. Whether or not two people are married is their own business and no one else’s. Besides…why buy the pig when you can get the sausage for free?

By sigh

January 21, 2010 12:27 PM | Link to this

Marriage is not a “piece of paper” or just a “ceremony”; it’s a contract and a commitment. The problem isn’t the institution, it’s the people who negate it and think of it just as a document. Children deserve better, and to deliberately give them any less than a traditional family is cheating them for your own gain.

By Leslie

January 21, 2010 12:31 PM | Link to this

And Ashley, all this talk about promises by people knocking how you want to live your own life just proves to me that people are happier living in blissful ignorance. Being married does not ensure that your children will not be “messed up.” And it sure doesn’t ensure accountability for your or your spouse’s “actions,” seeing as how we don’t stone people for adultery in this country, and it’s of no consequence when you go through a divorce in an Ohio courtroom. So what exactly does marriage hold you accountable for? And common law doesn’t exist in Ohio anymore. It ended in the 1990’s. It seems to me that the people who are married are just looking for a scapegoat for all the wrong in the world today. Everyone needs a scapegoat; it’s just easier for the self-righteous to blame people who hold beliefs different from their own. What ever happened to “judge not lest ye be judged” or “let him who is without sin cast the first stone?” For such believers in the holiness and sanctity of marriage, you sure aren’t familiar with the word of God!

By Leslie

January 21, 2010 12:36 PM | Link to this

So sigh, I take it your traditional family is perfect just because it’s traditional? Somehow I doubt this! Just because people don’t always marry doesn’t mean they don’t know how to raise children. The ignorance of people in this forum is amazing.

By h

January 21, 2010 12:45 PM | Link to this

Marriage is a choice and there is no right or wrong choice. The act of being married should not make a difference in the relationship of the people involved, it is an expression of love that some do not see a need for. Relationships are what they are because of the the love of the two people involved regardless of making it a legal action.

By Jessica

January 21, 2010 12:46 PM | Link to this

My husband and I waited 5 years to get married, we lived together, even had 2 kids together. We got married 11/6/2008, and on 11/9/2009 he started cheating on me with a girl from work. Why? I have no clue I always gave him everything he wanted and more. I believe it was the “marriage” jink, the one that flips people out. If my husband and I can’t work things out, I will never get married again.

By Tiger Woods

January 21, 2010 12:59 PM | Link to this

I’ve read all the comments and I just have one of my own… (Wait a minute.) Did Jeanie say she likes sex? I’m there.

By Skeptic

January 21, 2010 1:06 PM | Link to this

Come on people! Haven’t you been paying attention to the debate in this country about how we are under attack? The reason that marriage in this country is in such dire straits is because of those evil, dirty and degenerate gay people in this country who want to hijack the precious institution and turn it into one big sex-capade for their own selfish, lustful and godless purposes. And they all secretly want us to be able to marry our pets and pre-adolescent children and have orgies in the streets. It has nothing to do with the fact that we have become a selfish country who care only about our own self advancement at the expense of others. It has nothing to do with the fact that we have evolved into a country whose attitude is “I got mine, so screw you!”. It has nothing to do with the fact that it is now considered un-American and a sign of personal weakness to have empathy for others. It has nothing to do with the fact that we have divided ourselves into what is essentially warring tribal groups who fear all the dreaded “other people”. It has nothing to do with the fact that there is no accountability for ones actions in this country, especially among the “elite” and wealthy. No, it has nothing to do with any of these things. It’s all the fault of the fags and the atheists. Yep, if we could just make them go away, then our God would smile on us and all would be right with the beloved institution of marriage. Because we know the problem can’t be with you and with me. It has to be one of those danged “others”. You know, those people not-like-us.

By Mike

January 21, 2010 1:50 PM | Link to this

At the end of the day, it really is not all that complicated. Marriage is an institution, devised by human beings, in which two people commit to unify themselves into a cohesive bond. To become a “team”, if you will, that agrees to work together to advance their mutual self interests. In many cases these mutual interests involve having children and raising a family. In some instances it involves financial considerations. And in others, it can be for the emotional support and bonding created through a close and continuous relationship with another human being. Often it is a combination of all of these, and others. There are innumerable reasons for people wanting to marry or commit to a long term relationship. But the common thread in all of these is that the individuals agree when undertaking this commitment that they will compromise and forsake selfish actions when it is necessary to the betterment of the “team”. This is a very simplistic analogy, but it really is the root of what marriage is. Achieving greater things through a unified effort than you could achieve alone. Humans, being subject to selfishness and a myriad of negative emotions, will often fall short of these goals. The perceived deterioration of marriage is simply a reflection of societies general drift toward a greater attitude of selfishness and self absorption. We as a society are feeling like there is more to be gained through the pursuit of our own individual goals than possibly sacrificing a small portion of ourselves for a larger purpose. Bottom line, we are becoming a more selfish society. And that is reflected in a wide range of our society’s attitudes; and not simply concerning marriage.

By Happily Married

January 21, 2010 4:20 PM | Link to this

The Bible says “one man, one woman, for 1 lifetime”. I think so much of the problem is that God is being removed from everything. From our government, to our schools, and from marriages. God is the glue that holds it all together. He is the one who first loved us, and His Son showed us how to love one another. Leslie, it CAN effect children by having parents who won’t marry. It gives the child a sence of instability, and also leaves the child wondering why their parents don’t love each other enough to be husband and wife. Marriage is beautiful and sacred ( not always easy, but always worth the work! ) and should be held in high regard. Leslie I am sorry that you are so bitter about marriage, and I hope maybe your heart will soften a bit.