By MoreThan1

October 8, 2009 4:27 PM | Link to this

How about adding in the studies of how children of stay-at-home moms perform better in school and behave better. Working moms may be happier now, but that will change when they see the affects of not being at home during the developing years.

By Melanie

October 8, 2009 4:45 PM | Link to this

It’s quality, not quantity. I am a working mother. My child performs well in school and is very well behaved. I am happy and so is he.

By Jenn

October 8, 2009 6:33 PM | Link to this

I resented my mom when she started working when I was a kid. I missed her terribly and didn’t understand why she didn’t want to be home all the time. Just fyi for those who think your kid isn’t affected by you leaving everyday. And we didn’t need the money so this is not a case where a mom works to pay bills. That I would have understood.

By Nellie

October 8, 2009 7:04 PM | Link to this

I am a working mom and as much as I wish I could be home with my kids everyday the cost of health insurance through my husband’s employer is $700 more a month than what I pay through my employer. The way that I look at it is that I am providing for my children. Other than when I am away at work I spend pretty much all my “free” time with my kids.

By Karie1275

October 8, 2009 8:07 PM | Link to this

I work outside the home and I’m perfectly happy and so is my child. I’m happy knowing that I’m providing for her and I’m giving her a life that she wouldn’t have, had I not gone to school and got my degree and worked. She is well behaved and one of the smartest kids in her class. There was a time I wish I could’ve stayed at home with her. But with the cost of everything these days it’s not possible. I think my child is happier knowing the lights can turn on theres food in the fridge and we don’t have to move from our home.

By Dayton Native

October 8, 2009 8:43 PM | Link to this

I’m not a woman, but I bet that working moms are happier because they have more goals. Achieving goals helps give one a sense of self worth, and helps with confidence and overall self esteem. “How about adding in the studies of how children of stay-at-home moms perform better in school and behave better.” Unfortunately, these probably don’t exist. I doubt the kids of welfare moms (who sit around and smoke menthols all day) are any better behaved or smarter than their counterparts whose mothers work.

By HL

October 8, 2009 8:44 PM | Link to this

I think that what isn’t taken into account is that some of that “happiness” is impacted by financial stress. It’s difficult to support a family on a one-income household, so stay-at-home mothers that would otherwise be “very happy” may answer “pretty happy” because not working causes monetary stress regardless of being thankful for the time with the children.

By Cat

October 8, 2009 9:56 PM | Link to this

This is about how a woman feels in her own skin. If she hates herself, she isn’t going to be happy at work or at home. If you are constantly comparing yourself and your family to others, it won’t matter if you’re a WM or SAHM. I have been on both sides and both have their plus and minus’. I work from home now and love being my own boss. My kids are good students because my husband and I are good parents. We are good parents because we work hard at it and work together.

By Tara

October 8, 2009 10:29 PM | Link to this

I am a stay-at-home mom with two kids 4 and 1. Luckily my spouse makes enough for that to be possible. Unfortunately we are in dept and having to rent. We’ve moved 4 times in less than 2 years due to his job, each time further and further away from my home. I have no friends or family around that knows me for me. I do have a decade old degree that never got me far to begin with so if I were to get a job that’s all it would be, not a career that could pay for two kids in day-care AND have money to spare. Because my husband travels a lot and has a very demanding job, he comes home and just wants to stay home. I am at home all day and just want to get out. I need one on one adult time that I never get, even at home because he usually falls asleep while I’m putting the kids down. I am very lonely and I find myself crying at times because I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like I’m stuck, hopeless and helpless. So for all those moms out there who work, good for you. If you stay at home like me I hope you have friends and family that don’t mind babysitting because your man wants to take you out and spend quality time with you. I hope your able to get out with friends and your man encourages it. I hope he tells you how much you mean to him and loves and respects you unconditionally. I hope that even though your out during the day spending your money he works hard for that he still comes home and treats you like he wouldn’t want it any other way and just adores you for everything you are. And I hope that women, or even men, who are lucky enough to find love like that, you better not take advantage of it. I love to be home with my kids but I love being out in the world too and I wish I could have both but unfortunately I’ve put that responsibility on my husband along with everything else and we are drifting apart as a result. Obviously there are a lot of reasons why parents like working and why they like staying at home with the kids, but I think that having a loving supportive relationship with your spouse is very important in keeping you sane and not letting you lose yourself in everyday stress that plagues us regardless if we work or not.

By TJ

October 8, 2009 11:12 PM | Link to this

This is to Dayton Native. I have been a SAHM for almost 9 years now. I did have a good career before I had children. And, I was miserable. Being home to homeschool and care for my husband and family IS my goal, and I couldn’t be happier. I do not need a paycheck to have self worth. My husband has a very stressful and demanding job. To be able to give him a clean home, happy children and a warm homecooked meal on the table is the goal of my heart. To be able to serve others and not myself. I know that there are women out there who have to work for many different reasons, and I have nothing against that at all. But, to be the caretaker of my home and family is my job, and it is a job that I dearly love.

By Shocked

October 8, 2009 11:14 PM | Link to this

My own mom was a single working mother, a waitress. My brother and I are both college educated and work for very large companies. I am myself a single mother and both my children get excellent grades in school and have no behavioral problems. On the other hand, my best friend is a married stay at home mom whose children are out of control. Her 6 year old just toady bite another child at school today and was sent home. My 5 year old who is a year behind her son doesn’t behave that way. So don’t try that crap that children of stay at home moms are better adjusted. FYI: My mom’s sister stayed at home with my cousins also and her oldest is a drug addict and her youngest is in prison. My middle cousin is fine. It is all about the morals and values you instill in your children and one value I got from my mom and the one I am passing to my children is you have to work for what you have.

By Terri

October 8, 2009 11:42 PM | Link to this

I believe what works for the individual works for the family. I am a working mother. My daughter is a working mother. I have seen both sides. I have come across a few stay at home mothers who REALLY stay at home. They never volunteer their time at school and have no organizational skills. Organizational skills help when organizing time to-you know like being a Girl Scout Leader, Teach Sunday School, becoming team mom in sports, etc. “They don’t have the time.” Dah why not? As a working mom, my daughter has thrived, graduated from college, has a great job and is a great mother. I was able to work full time was team mom, attended all functions, was a girl scout leader and found the time for homework and family time, etc. I’m not saying all stay at home mothers do not volunteer-but I hate the words of working mothers as well as stay at home mothers “I don’t have the time.” UGH!!

By WorkingMom

October 9, 2009 2:45 AM | Link to this

Morethan1 - My child is happy, does well in school, and developing just fine. Not only do I have to work, I want to work. I like my job and worked hard to get where I am at in my career. My mother also worked while I was child too. Quit trying to insinuate that SAHM are better. That is a personal choice for the family. My son is at school during the day while I’m at work. I am at home with him in the evenings and weekends. We spend quite a bit of quality family time. I volunteer for his school. I may not be able to be there in the school, but I help out with projects like cutting papers, fundraising, etc. and go to his evening activities. My son is also involved in school sports. I have been the team mom to his teams for many years. So being a working mom doesn’t turn out children who aren’t developing right, behaving properly or doing well in school.

By Lou

October 9, 2009 6:59 AM | Link to this

Being a stay at home mom is one of the most fullfilling jobs in the world. A mother is a teacher, nurse, artist, seamstress, chef, & manager… a dream job. A pay check doesn’t make a home… a mom does.

By Steph

October 9, 2009 7:25 AM | Link to this

I’ve done both. In our situation, between paying for daycare for 2 children and the commute to work (and dragging my babies out of bed every morning and handing them over to someone else), my having a full-time job at this point just wasn’t worth it to us. So I quit my job to stay home and further my own education at the same time (for those who say SAHMs don’t have goals). By the time my kids start school, I’ll be ready to re-enter the workforce with an advanced degree. And in the meantime, I know I’ll never regret the time I’m fortunate enough to spend with them now.

By Courtney

October 9, 2009 7:38 AM | Link to this

I’m lucky enough that I’ve been a stay at home Mom since my son was born. Before my husband got out of the Marines and we relocated here, it wasn’t so bad. We both stayed busy with friends! However, when we moved to the are after his enlistment, it really got quite lonely as we didn’t know anyone here. When my son finally started kindergarten, I volunteered up at the school nearly every day. That was back when we lived in Kettering. We’ve lived in Fairborn over a year now, closer to the base and I’ve made friends and help with church activities. I love being able to stay home with my daughter who’s now 3 and be able to give her the time that my son had. The ONLY reason I haven’t found a job is that I could never make as much as my husband does and my paycheck would go straight to daycare costs, so it wouldn’t be worth it. But soon I’ll be in school and eventually I can go back to work in a few years. It’s all about what works for your family :)

By Julie

October 9, 2009 8:14 AM | Link to this

I’ve been both a working mom and a stay at home mom. When I stayed home, my daughter wanted to spend all day playing with her friends and she missed her day care. Went back to work and we were both happy.

By momof4

October 9, 2009 8:26 AM | Link to this

A lot of people talk about the success of a child by “how they come out in the wash.” IE., I did this, and they did fine, because they are successful adults. Becoming a successful adult is a great goal, but I think we lose sight of childhood as a distinct period of someone’s life to enjoy, not just a training ground for a later goal. I want my children to be happy now, not just to turn out ok later. My husband and I decided long before we had a child that one of us needed to be home with them. We veto’ed daycare and planned ahead so that financial concerns would not prevent this goal. When they are sick, we didn’t want to dose them with Tylenol an send them out the door. We wanted them to be able to get well in their own beds. Everyone has their own reasons for choosing and I am just saying what we wanted for ours.

By Karla

October 9, 2009 8:29 AM | Link to this

I work a job where I set my own hrs and work as much as I want. I enjoy being at home, there are always things to be done. I have a daughter out of school was high honors and a son in high school getting A’s and B’s.

By Mim

October 9, 2009 8:36 AM | Link to this

I am a part time stay at home Mom. If i feel like working the kid fends for herself. i figure that she will mature faster that way. i put child safety knobs on the door so she won’t get out. the stove is a problem though.

By aharddaysnight

October 9, 2009 9:06 AM | Link to this

ROFLMAO! I love some of these comments the SAHM are posting. I got news for you. I stayed home untill my girls started pre-school. I was lucky we could do that. My husband and I both work full time now. My house is clean, my children are neatly groomed and dressed and I always cook dinner (its cheaper than eating out and he likes to take the leftovers in his lunch). Both of our girls are in accelerated or gifted programs at school and neither have ever had any behavior problems aside from the typical age appropriate mischief. My kids have learned very important life skills because I work. They help with house work and laundry and my 13 year old even has an after school job taking care of dogs for a dog breeder. People cant say enough about how nice my girls are. They are far from perfect but they are good girls and I resent that SAHM’s would insinuate that children of working mothers are bad kids because both their parents work. I love my job and what I do for a living and because of that my kids have also learned to take pride in what they do and find the joy in working hard for what you want.

By Beverley Smith

October 9, 2009 9:09 AM | Link to this

The study has some design flaws for accuracy. First of all society tends to give more social status to the mother who earns, calling her the ‘working’ mother as the study does, and denying the care work of the one at home. So first point, the study itself is reflecting a social bias and women who buy into it of course feel happier. Second the tax department usually also has this bias. Given that there are few funding helps for costs of kids at home but significant ones for use of daycare, in addition to the salaries, pensions, health and dental benefits of earning, of course the one earning is richer, and that does tend to make a person happier. Third the definition of work is clouded because we are not told how the earners earn. Many do so part-time evenings while dad is with the kids, or telecommuting, or from home-based office. Some earn while grandma tends the kids or a trusted neighbor or sitter they know values of. These earning arrangements are a far cry from the harried 8-5 earner who puts the baby in 3rd party daycare tended by a series of strangers. The level of happiness of women who earn is very closely tied to how they are able to provide for the kids in their absence and how confident they feel about the values and safety of the care provided. These differences were however all globbed together. A flawed study therefore. A really good one would be to fund all kids equally, however raised, and then ask women who is happiest. That would be a scientific study.

By ACL

October 9, 2009 9:20 AM | Link to this

I’m a working mother of one child. I think what works best for the mother, child, and family is the route that you should take. I pursued an advanced degree prior to having children. I really love my job and career that I have chosen and make a significant contribution to family income. I also love my child. So I believe a happy mother makes for a happy child and home. My child loves to play with his friends at daycare and is learning a lot. I also have the advantage that my child’s daycare is onsite at my job. I can have breakfast, lunch even snack with my child if I like. Or just stop by and play and say hi. So I guess I have the best of both worlds. It also helps that my husband is very supportive and does his part to pitch in on parental responsibilities. It’s really working out well for me and my family right now. But I also think society still needs SAHMs. For some there goal is to do all those things that the paid child provider does only better. Only a SAHM can truly give her very best to her child. No pay check can replace that special gift.

By flipper

October 9, 2009 10:36 AM | Link to this

Having had a working wife (her choice) rather than stay at home wife, I feel that she would have been happier to stay with the children. But being a teacher and having to pay back student loans she felt it necessary to work. Her mother watched them from end of school until end of workday. Good compromise.

By Lizzie

October 9, 2009 10:41 AM | Link to this

One thing I can say, I’m sick to death of these ridiculous polls. What does it matter who is happier? What matters is that the person is doing what they want to do, what’s best for them and their family, etc. What everyone else thinks or feels about what YOU are doing is irrelevant. These polls do nothing but create sensationalism for an argument that no one can win.

By Monica

October 9, 2009 11:07 AM | Link to this

When I worked when my two oldest were little it was for survival, I made the money and my husband did not have that great of a job. I was crabby and doing it all, as most women do…When he finally got a great job that made more than me, I quit working to stay at home. It was AMAZING, first how much money we saved, second, how much calmer our home was and last how we continued to better our lives without my income. After 8 years of that, I have gone back to work due to my husband’s job instability. The kids hate it. I am crabbier/less patient; and still doing it all. I NEVER ‘stayed’ at home. I was involved with school and doing so much with the kids/family. Life was BETTER when I was at home. Point: Some women find their worth in $$ and their job. It defines them, whether it’s home or outside the home. It’s about personality and giving up YOURSELF for something better later. We as a society are horrible about delayed gratification. Moms can say that all is happy while they are working and so are the kids..but I would BET any $$ that the kid would rather the mom be home with them anyday. I BET if you were home or available for your family, the MOM wouldn’t be nervous or worried about “what ifs” as much….Just saying…

By Lea

October 9, 2009 2:06 PM | Link to this

I’d love to be a SAHM, but I’m the primary breadwinner (no fault to hubs though). Couple of years ago I spent 2 weeks as a SAHM and by the end of that couldn’t WAIT to get back to work. Working outside the home is EASIER!

By Barb

October 9, 2009 3:29 PM | Link to this

I have been both a (part-time) working mom, and a stay-at-home mom. I see that both have factors that can make a woman happy. I prefer staying home, because my home runs so much more smoothly, but work gives you a sense of purpose and an escape from the stress of raising children. If finances were not an object, I think staying home gives children a sense of security and and a chance to just relax at home. Kudos to all moms who love their families and do whatever they can for the their welfare—whether they work or stay home.

By Abuse

October 9, 2009 3:47 PM | Link to this

SAHM is the right thing to do for your children, why have kids if someone else is going to raise them? Most reasons for working Mom’s is money it’s more important then being a parent, do you really need all of the luxury items you have? If you are not going to raise your own kids then why have them? People’s priorities are all messed up.

By lunamoon

October 9, 2009 3:58 PM | Link to this

my mom stayed home and worked out all day long, then made cookies for me when i got home from school. she seems happier then those women who eat vending machine food and get fat pretending to do their jobs.

By aharddaysnight

October 9, 2009 4:07 PM | Link to this

Abuse is an idiot. Money is part of being a parent. What condition would your children be in if you didn’t have money to pay for food,clothing and shelter. With the way the economy is now it’s becomming clear that most families need two incomes to get by. If you can’t financially support your children why have them? Sanity is also important for moms. Working helps me keep my sanity so I don’t go and do something stupid like beat the living daylights out of idiots like Abuse. Barb, you can give your kids the same sense of security when you work as well. It’s up to parents to make sure of that whether mom works or not. And Monica if you are a crabby impatient mother, maybe you just need some parenting classes. I don’t worry what ifs and kids need to learn to be more independent. the only request I ever get from my kids is that they would rather I stay with them when they are sick instead of their daddy. I can agree to that.

By Brandie

October 9, 2009 5:58 PM | Link to this

I’m a stay at home mom and I LOVE it. Why are working moms so defensive ???

By Monica

October 9, 2009 9:59 PM | Link to this

Uhhh…I am human….it’s a stressful life to raise kids AND work and take care of it ALL. That is what I was talking about. I WANT to be the BEST parent which puts even more pressure which brings “normal” crabbiness and impatience…I think aharddaysnight misunderstood. People DO NOT need 2 incomes to have food, clothing and shelter…we end up “needing” it because we WANT THINGS that we don’t need. Our mortgages, cars and all that..keeping up with those around us…those are common things people deal with. NEED and “think we WANT” are two different things. All people need to examine themselves in that situation….