By Michael

January 16, 2009 12:36 PM | Link to this

It’s so cold they canceled the global warming meeting. It’s so cold that a flasher ran up to me and just described himself.

By Jim

January 16, 2009 1:00 PM | Link to this

It’s so cold that my wife asked me to invite my fat mistress over to help keep the bed warm!

By Jane Warner

January 16, 2009 1:18 PM | Link to this

It was so cold today that I saw a guy trying to defrost his nose with a lighter and he caught his hat on fire and all his hair burned off and it really smelled bad. Ha! Beat that one Johnny Carson.

By sigh

January 16, 2009 1:22 PM | Link to this

it’s so cold that when i breast fed my baby, ice cream came out.

By Britt

January 16, 2009 1:33 PM | Link to this

It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues! It’s so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs! It’s so cold roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker! It’s so cold when I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring! It’s so cold the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses! It’s so cold kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!” It’s so cold the travel agency was advertising tropical vacations in Igloolik! It’s so cold pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm! It’s so cold the squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence! It’s so cold I chipped a tooth on my soup! It’s so cold Grandpa’s teeth were chattering - in the glass! It’s so cold the dogs were wearing cats! It’s so cold Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick! It’s so cold Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans! It’s so cold the rats were bribing the alley cats for a snuggle. It’s so cold we had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords. It’s so cold we had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas! It’s so cold kids stopped worrying about acne. The new problem - goosepimples!

By britt

January 16, 2009 1:37 PM | Link to this

It’s so cold when we milked the cows, we got ice cream! When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream! It’s so cold words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire! It’s so cold the dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running! It’s so cold Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women would take their clothes off. It’s so cold we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up! It’s so cold the Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started! Then… It’s so cold when we parked the sled, we either had to plug in the dogs - or keep them running in place!

By So Cold

January 16, 2009 1:54 PM | Link to this

It’s so cold that my dog took a poo and it froze on the way out. Now it looks like he has two tails.

By B. Jenkins

January 16, 2009 3:52 PM | Link to this

It’s so cold I drove by Al Gore’s house and saw him burning tires.

By Monique

January 16, 2009 4:13 PM | Link to this

it’s just really really cold.

By gerry

January 16, 2009 6:52 PM | Link to this

It was so cold today that my corn flakes turned into frosted flakes! Bah-dum-pssh! It was so cold that silly putty turned into serious putty. Bah-dum-pssh! It was so cold I tried to take the garbage out - but it didn’t want to go! Bah-dum-pssh! It was so cold today I was encouraging my kids to play with matches. Bah-dum-pssh! It’s so cold these jokes can’t even break the ice? Bah-dum-pssh!

By Sydney

January 16, 2009 7:25 PM | Link to this

It was so cold I could have melted. It was so cold they canceled my school. It was so cold I moved to Antarctica to stay warm.

By Wordell

January 16, 2009 8:42 PM | Link to this

I can’t beat britt…don’t want to because reading it all was wonderful!!…but, I will say that my “best” was 85 F below zero caused by wind chill. It was 21 F below with wind at approx. 60 MPH, (gusting). Hands will last 11 seconds before you can’t feel them, you can move them, but don’t know you are…you have to look to see them moving. I imagined the heart of my X-wife would be warmer…NOT!!!!!

By MAJ Harris

January 8, 2010 10:13 AM | Link to this

It was so cold, Britney Spears was seen wearing underwear.