Setting a new standard for stupefied

By Doug Page | Wednesday, March 10, 2010, 04:13 PM

If he was trying to be inconspicuous, the driver of the Ford pickup was a failure.

It was 3 o’clock on a Friday morning when the Englewood officer spotted the pickup northbound on Main Street. What attracted the officer’s attention was the truck was driving on its right front rim. The tire was flat and shredded.

The officer quickly stopped the pickup, noting the driver pulled over the curb. When he approached the pickup, the 21-year-old driver appeared “stupefied”, and there was a strong odor of alcohol wafting from the truck cab.

“What’s going on?” the officer asked.

“My truck started shaking,” the driver responded.

Asked if he had an idea why his truck was shaking, the driver replied, “Vibrations.”

Taking into account the driver’s appearance, slurred and thick speech, uncoordinated movements and brilliant response, the officer concluded the driver “was one of the most obviously intoxicated drivers I had witnessed in 18 years as a police officer.”

When asked if he had been imbibing, the driver giggled and allowed he’d had five or six beers.

At the conclusion of the field sobriety tests, the officer said, “You’re way too drunk to be driving.” To which the driver responded with a laugh, “We both know that, don’t we?”

The driver was cited for drunken driving and taken to the county lockup.

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