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Thursday, March 11, 2010
No ideal time to have kids, career
There was a recent survey done about working moms, asking what the “ideal” age is for women to have their first baby and have a successful career.
It was branded and released by two Web sites: TheBump.com, a Web site about pregnancy that is produced by the same company that runs the wedding site TheKnot.com, and ForbesWoman.com.
The findings? The ideal time to become a mom and retain career success is between the ages of 25 and 29.
They reasoned that because by that age, many women have gotten out of college, established careers, gained some financial security and are more ready than her younger colleagues to handle the responsibility of becoming parents.
These are certainly valid points. Whether working or not, you want to bring a baby into a stable home — both emotionally and financially.
And I took the survey for what it was: A general look at some of the ways families have found to balance all that they need and want to do in their lives. And possibly helpful to those who were planning out their futures.
It wasn’t until The Bump editor, Carley Roney, commented that I realized that there was a danger of folks taking data such as this and employing it as fact.
Roney, who said she had her first baby at 29, noted that having a baby between 25 and 29 is “the best of both worlds.”
She said: “This survey helped us find out that there is a right time.”
Now, I don’t mean to pick on Roney, who may have been pushed to declare and promote a survey victor, but it is clear that although the late 20s may work well for a great number of women, it is not necessarily the right time for everyone.
I also had my first baby at 29, although he was not planned. However, I don’t think my career or my family would have been markedly different had I waited a few years.
It also reminded me how easy it is to become structured in our modern world of information, opinion and the subsequent classification.
I remember when I told my mom that my husband and I had decided we wanted to have two kids and have them relatively close together in age.
It was a compromise between his desire for few and my desire for many, and we took steps to make that our reality both before and after they were born.
But I quickly realized that she was highly annoyed by our cookie-cutter plan.
“What if something happened to one of them?” she asked. “What would you do then? What would happen to your plan?”
My mother had her first baby at 21, and took the other four as they came. It wasn’t always the best system, as evidenced by my brother and I being a strenuous 11 months apart, but it cannot be argued that it happened as nature intended.
And, there is much to be said about letting all those elements take their course.
What I have realized since that conversation with my mother, about 10 years down the line, is that I likely did overplan where my family was concerned.
I have often wished that my husband and I had left more wiggle room for the possibility of more children, and since found out he felt the same way.
At any rate, I would have to weigh in that there is no “ideal” time for everyone to have babies, children and career. You just have to see what works for you.
It is all part of the beauty of life. And, if managing your life was simple, there would be no need for surveys and discussions such as these.
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