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Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2009 > October > 28 > Entry
Help your child make friends
I love my friends. I am blessed to have forged dozens of lasting relationships with childhood buddies, college pals, good neighbors and forever friends from every city we’ve lived in.
They lift me up in times of need (like right now, when my mother-in-law is hospitalized and the whole family is in full panic mode), whether it’s with a homemade cranberry bread or thoughtful posting on my Facebook wall.
Some people are loners: My Hubby grew up out in the country with few kids around and has a few close friendships, and that’s enough for him.
Me? I’m happiest when I’m making that personal connection. Sharing joys and sorrows with others is at my essence.
But how do you help your children build those friendships that will buoy them throughout their lives?
What I’ve tried to do is:
1) Teach the Golden Rule.
2) Be a friend to make a friend — Playdates, babysitting co-ops, carpools, sideline chats at sporting events, coffee dates, and especially potluck suppers can really bond families to one another. You won’t know if you’re a good ‘fit’ with another family until you spend time together. When it works, you just feel it. So be brave and extend an invitation. Your house doesn’t have to be spotless to have guests, ‘cause the kids will just mess it up anyway (at least that’s the excuse I use ;).
3) Practice ‘Friendship Maintenance’ — Cultivate and maintain new and old relationships through letters and e-mail, sharing pictures, visits, phone calls. Yes, we all go through busy phases, but keep making that connection, even if it’s just a photo card during the holidays.
We moved to Ohio when our kids were ages 7 and 4. They already had a network of friends, and we’ve encouraged the kids to stay in touch with them. The computer is a godsend for this, and now that the kids are older, there’s Facebook, e-mails, unlimited texting and Xbox 360 live.
Living in an Air Force town and in a bad economy, we’ve had to say goodbye to quite a few friends since we came to Dayton seven years ago. It’s sometimes hard for the kids, but we remind them of all the ‘away’ friends we have.
When we travel, we always try to make detours to far-flung friends’ homes along the way. This usually takes a lot of scheduling coordination on both ends, but it’s always worth it to see the kids run off and play with their old friends like they were together yesterday, and sit back and share a glass of wine or game of cards and reconnect with your adult friends. This is like heaven to me.
So help your child make a friend. The peace it can bring to his or her heart is the best gift you could give.
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