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Thursday, October 8, 2009
Are today’s kids in too many activities?
It is usually when I am recapping a weekend full of tryouts, tournaments and track meets that some of the friends or relatives I am talking to get that look in their eyes.
It is the look that says: “Why do you have your kids in so many activities?”
The reason I know this is because I also have friends and relatives who have no problem following up the look by asking me the question directly.
Now, this is almost exclusively asked by people who either don’t have kids or whose kids haven’t started school yet, and it makes me think that they just don’t realize how different the playing field is compared to when we were all kids.
But, it still gives me pause.
My kids are in several extracurriculars, all of which they love (except football), but the queries have made me ask myself: Are my kids, and kids in general these days, overdoing it with sports and other extracurriculars?
So, I started asking other parents I know who also have their kids in multiple activities why that was, and if they thought it was too much.
One mom I talked to has three kids on select soccer teams — all in different cities.
She said she and her husband are exhausted from running them to practices, games and tournaments.
But added: “All the kids they would be playing with in the neighborhood are doing the same thing.”
And that is true. You don’t find as many kids hanging out at the local park together, shooting baskets in the driveway or even just skipping down the sidewalks as you used to.
How it got that way is likely due to some combination of urban sprawl, fear and protective parents.
But the reality is, the kids aren’t at your house, ready to play like they once were. Where you find the kids are at these organized sports or activities.
Another difference between then and now is the time and intensity of these activities.
As a kid, I didn’t know anyone my age who took a yearlong dance class or was able to string together baseball seasons with summer camps.
Thirty years ago, most kids’ sports (at least according to all the former athletes I talked to) took two-and-a-half to three months a year with one practice a week.
Today, some last up to eight months and have practices multiple times a week.
One of the dads I talked to said he thought the difference was due to the proliferation of select sports.
“When the kids have sports that are practically year-round, it is going to make for a busy year,” said the father of two. “But what are you going to do? If all of their friends and the quality coaches are going to be in the select programs, that’s where you have to go.”
Another mom mentioned that she would rather have her kids involved in too many things, than in too few.
“I don’t want them getting into trouble,” she said. “I think it is good to keep them busy.”
And she has no trouble finding ways to fill that time. In yet another change from our childhoods, (at least partly brought on by the fact that parents are willing to chauffeur) there seem to be endless options to keep kids busy.
Part of this also is likely due to the fact that more is known about what activities can benefit kids as they grow.
Another dad mentioned that he and his wife just added piano lessons to their daughters’ already lengthy lists of activities.
“We wanted them to have music,” he said, “because it helps build creative thinking.”
The problem is, there is no right answer except on a case-by-case basis — and even then it is tough to tell.
We all just have to do what we think is best for our kids every step of the way.
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