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Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2009 > October > 01 > Entry
Parents sometimes need to live and let try
Sometimes you forget, when you are so busy teaching your kids how to do things, that you actually have to let them do those things as well.
This can be difficult for parents. Some of us are afraid to trust our kids, especially when we feel the decision can affect their health or safety.
I know I am guilty of this sometimes, but I am working on it.
For example, the other night we were having friends over and I asked the boys, who are 8 and 10, to make their beds.
I know they are fully capable of doing this, in that their arms and legs work just fine, but they have probably only been asked to do it a handful of times in their lives.
(By the way, I agree that is an oversight. And I am sure my grandmother — who used to leave me curt Post-it notes reminding me to make my bed when I stayed with her — is rolling over in her grave as I write.)
Anyway, the boys understandably did a poor job. When I saw their beds, I said out loud: “They look horrible.”
The little one happened to be standing there, and he started to cry. It became clearer to me that I need to let him try and fail more often to prevent similar situations in the future.
So, I sat down with him and explained that I have to be honest with him about his job (and maybe a little more gentle), but that we will work on it more together so he knows how to do it.
When I was recounting the story later to friends, one of the moms said, “I am bad about that. I don’t even let my kids do it, because I know they won’t do it how I want it to be done.”
I had to agree with her. I do the same with other chores — be it cleaning the bathroom, doing the dishes or taking out the garbage. I plan for them to do it, and I then end up doing it myself.
But I know that is not going to help them, or me, in the long run.
One thing my husband and I have been trying to do toward this end is, on these borderline fall days, let the boys decide what they need to wear for the elements.
So, our elated fifth-grader chose to go to school Monday in a T-shirt and shorts. Of course, I didn’t realize he had a field trip to Victoria Theatre in Dayton that day and would be outside for a while.
But he knew.
It ended up being one of those days that got chillier as the hours wore on.
When he got home from school, he told me about the trip and said: “All the people downtown were staring at me because I didn’t have a sweat shirt and pants on!”
“That’s not good,” I said. “Were you cold?”
“No,” he shrugged.
So, I guess you might count that one as a victory — although marginal.
Because, although I do feel he was underdressed, I was glad he noticed and dealt with the ramifications of his choice.
I did make sure he was covered from head to toe for the next school day, however.
At any rate, all these instances remind me that, amid all our parental teaching, we also must learn to trust our kids even though the results might not be as we would want them (at least at first).
But, if we don’t let them try, they will never be able to do.
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