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Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2009 > September
September 2009
Life gives us many opportunities to make lemonade
All kids are different — inside and out.
Not only do they come in a variety of colors, shapes and sizes, but many times they also have less visible elements that are just as unique.
I mention this because sometimes, in that window before you have kids but after you have sat through numerous Gerber commercials, you form an expectation about what your babies will be like.
You start to think they will come into the world as perfect little packages, complete with 10 fingers, 10 toes and every other gooey corner intact.
But it doesn’t always work out that way. In fact, the more I talk to other parents, the more it seems that the glossy prepackaged version is the rarer of the outcomes.
At one of my kids’ practices recently, I was talking with another mom about these differences.
She mentioned that her son, who looked as healthy as can be, had some pretty serious kidney problems. Then she mentioned another kid we knew who was born with multiple kidneys.
In response, I told her about how my son had to have a couple surgeries to deal with a condition he was born with.
“If you look out there on the field,” she said, pointing to players on our team and the players they were scrimmaging, “I’ll bet you wouldn’t find one kid who didn’t have something different.”
It got me to thinking about the kids I knew and some of the things they were dealing with — learning disabilities, eczema, asthma, scoliosis and so on.
And these are some of the luckier kids; the ones you might not suspect of having anything amiss.
Even though each of us parents would like our kids to be as healthy, smart and well-adjusted as possible, maybe everyone is born as they should be — with flaws, challenges and lessons to learn.
In our fast-paced, competitive society, that is a good thing to remember.
With all there is to be measured by today — from the milestones we are supposed to hit as toddlers, to the 7-year-olds competing for spots on select teams, to the plethora of adults vying for the few open jobs — it is good to step back once in a while and appreciate all that we are, rather than all that we’re not.
And this goes for all of our unique and wonderful kids as well.
Because all kids are different — inside and out.
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TweetLetting child out of stroller makes mom nervous
Have you ever tried to negotiate a large stroller through a mall while holding a 20-pound, 14-month-old child?
Yeah, it’s not so easy.
This has become my recent challenge in parenting (I know, it’s nothing of dire consequence). My daughter does not enjoy the stroller. I do not enjoy trying to chase her down while shopping.
We are at an impasse.
I blame my husband, who has no problem letting our daughter wander while shopping. He thinks it is good for to get out and stretch her legs. I would rather us get our shopping done, go home and play than sloooowly follow her as she stops and looks at each item on the shelf.
This weekend, we went to The Greene with a friend. My daughter calmly stayed in the stroller for the first store but was d-o-n-e after that. I let her walk but felt frazzled and unable to accomplish anything worried that she might dart off, get in someone’s way, break something, etc. Later that day, the husband took her to the grocery store and came home with tales of our daughter walking up and down the aisle, moving cans of pizza sauce from one shelf to the next.
Parents, what do you do? Do you allow your toddlers to roam or do you keep them in a stroller or cart?
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TweetKids pick up the ball where Mom leaves off
Although they are just 8 and 10, my kids are starting to surpass me. Not in the more important things — like math or driving or Final Jeopardy (although I’m sure it is just a matter of time for those, as well).
But they have definitely turned the corner on me in almost anything to do with their hobby of choice: sports.
Although I am glad they are learning and growing, as a former college athlete I also am slightly offended.
I could understand it in soccer, with all that running, but the fact that my older son can sometimes dribble and shoot around me in basketball (my sport of choice) really stings.
And, adding insult to my sports injury, the elementary-schoolers also can beat me in sports knowledge — and that doesn’t even require fresh legs.
But, to be fair, I don’t think I ever had the passion that my sons have for learning the ins and outs of the wide world of sports.
That gene they got directly from their father, against whom I compete in a fantasy football league.
I joined our office league about 12 years ago, mostly as a defensive move.
Football was my least favorite sport (if you don’t count hockey), and I knew it was going to be on TV at home for hours each week.
So I figured I might as well do what I could to make it more interesting for myself.
And it has worked — I definitely care more about the games and the players than I used to. But it has required more study of football as well, which has been something that has come more slowly.
Maybe it’s just that my interest in football can only stretch so far, but for years I have struggled to get down cold which players are wide receivers and which are running backs — sometimes on my own team.
And, keeping straight which teams those players are on was sometimes a challenge as well.
One year my husband said he was going to fine me a dollar if, in conversation, I asked him again which team one of my own players was on.
But, in the face of this taunting adversity, I have managed to make my team work — even making it to the championship game a couple times. And I never relied on my husband or others for outside help.
That is, until now.
Since our kids are the aforementioned sports nuts, a few years ago my husband and I thought it would be nice if we let them be a part of our fantasy football teams. My husband acquired the little one, and I got his big brother.
At first, they just liked being able to be a part of the action, cheering for “their” players, and sharing in the highs and lows of the season.
But somewhere along the way (or maybe all along the way), they started paying attention.
I began to notice because that they’d giggle when I got my NFC and AFC teams mixed up, and they’d join conversations with other adults about a player I had never heard of.
Suddenly, they knew more than I did. (I know I didn’t set that bar very high, but it was still a hurdle to clear.)
For this year’s fantasy football draft, my fifth-grade partner made many of the tougher decisions, and even managed to “steal” Chargers receiver Vincent Jackson from his dad.
So, I guess it’s not all bad that I have been surpassed by people who still need the occasional reminder to go to the bathroom.
That’s just how families are — we all bring different skills and strengths to the table.
I’m just glad at least one of them is on my team.
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TweetMore on airsoft gun safety
Awhile back, I wrote a few blogs concerning airsoft guns.
First, I blathered on about the big battle in our house on whether to allow our son to purchase an airsoft weapon. Then in “Mom Caves,” I relate the sad tale about getting outmaneuvered by a French carny and Homeland Security, who collaborated to put two airsofts into the hands of my gun-obsessed 12-year-old.
The blogs got some great comments, both for and against. Much to my surprise, those blogs are still getting page views — from concerned parents like myself, no doubt.
The topic came to the forefront again recently when the Dayton Daily News published an article saying that local hospitals have noted a rise in BB gun injuries in area youths, with airsoft accidents mentioned as well. (There’s also a safety checklist attached to the online link.)
Kids really do put their eyes out with those things. I clip every relevant newspaper article and tack it to the fridge at eye level for my now-13-year-old.
This summer, we had another go-round about airsoft guns. The plastic ones he brought back from France were long gone, broken before their time — as plastic toys are wont to do.
He had saved up his allowance and birthday/Christmas cash and wanted to buy a new airsoft gun. But the super-duper model he found online was not just some cheap plastic toy, he told us with pride: This was advertised as a heavy-duty weapon that looked like AN ACTUAL AK-47!!! I was mortified.
Against my better judgment, Hubby and son conspired to purchase the ominous-looking thing — for $130. You read that right. One hundred and thirty dollars! What a colossal waste, IMHO.
In the end, mom prevailed again: After only a week of practice on the range, the hulk of a gun broke. (yay!) Luckily, it was under full warranty and he was able to get his money back.
Lesson learned, I thought. Until he started researching the purchase of a paintball gun …
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TweetMom learns patience from photographer
I am not the most patient person. It isn’t something I am proud of. This weekend, I almost fell to my knees I was so impressed with the patience of a local photographer.
We took our daughter to get her one year pictures taken. Sure she’s almost 14 months but like the photographer said, technically she’s a year old for a whole year.
Our daughter has been quite mobile on her feet since about 10 months so keeping her still in one place for more than three seconds is challenging. Keeping her still to get a good photo of her turned out to be almost impossible.
She checked out the camera. She explored behind the background. She wandered out to the mirror in the lobby and gave herself a kiss. Anything but sit still.
While the husband and I were exasperated and questioning our decision to get her pictures done, the photographer patiently waited for our daughter to come back and sit, even for a split second. After awhile, the whole scene just became comical: Mom and dad chasing down baby while the photographer tried everything to keep her entertained and in one spot.
We weren’t the only ones. A little boy in another studio sounded like he was not having a good time, crying for most of it. I was happy our daughter decided against a complete meltdown.
In the end, we got some great photos, thanks to a patient photographer who wasn’t willing to give up even when I was.
She did tell me, however, the worst age is about 18 months. I think we might skip it.
Do you have an tricks to keeping your kid still during photos?
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TweetFreedom, fun in being an aunt or uncle
Nothing tops being a mom, but (at least until I become a grandmother) being an aunt is a close second on the dear-to-the-heart scale.
I am lucky enough to have eight nieces and four nephews. And, although I have loved all of them always, it wasn’t until I had kids that I fully understood the extreme coolness factor of the whole aunt gig.
Before I had to care for my own pups, I didn’t realize how much these jelly-stained bundles of sunshine needed other adults in their lives to talk to, look out for and have fun with.
And I didn’t realize how wonderful it is to have them in my life as well.
I believe much of this delayed knowledge is due to the fact that, comparatively, being an aunt has a lot of the mom benefits, but very little of the responsibility.
As an aunt, you get to be in the life of this young person you love, offer candid and constructive advice you have culled from years of experience, and then not stress out if your “words of wisdom” are not heeded.
As a parent, it is assumed that your kids are supposed to listen to you, and you worry and then get upset if they don’t apply that knowledge.
As an aunt, you get to attend (to varying degrees, depending on how close you live) all the major milestones in your nieces’ and nephews’ lives, but you don’t have to organize or pay for any of them.
Also, as an aunt, you can come off sounding more exotic than their parents — even if you haven’t really earned that distinction.
You benefit from the fact that the kids have heard all their parents’ stories for years, and have long since tuned them out.
You can be silly with your nieces and nephews — oftentimes more so than you can be with your own kids.
Of course, it does seem like uncles enjoy this aspect even more than aunts. At least that is my experience after watching how my brothers and brothers-in-law deal with my sons.
Most of their conversations concern how much the kids’ favorite professional sports teams are going to lose this season, whether they saw the latest SpongeBob episode or making some random noise that elicits giggles about a Jim Carrey movie.
That’s if they talk at all — sometimes they just wrestle each other to the ground. And, I can see that that interaction is dear to my sons as well.
Recently, my older son told me not to worry about my next birthday, because he doesn’t think being in your 40s is so bad.
“Just look at Uncle Scott and Uncle Steve — they look like they’re having fun to me!” We aunts seem to be less about wrestling and more about hugs and talking.
And lately, I seem to be a niece magnet. This past weekend, I had the opportunity to talk to multiple nieces and have great conversations.
And some of the talks were ones I won’t get to have with my kids, since I don’t have daughters.
I got to instant message with my 17-year-old niece on Facebook about tattoos and college, discuss boyfriends and marching band with another niece who is 14, and hear about the predilections of hamsters from my niece who is 10.
What could be better than that?
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TweetRenaissance Fest: How to go
Got an e-mail from a friend asking if we’d like to “share in the adventure” of the Ohio Renaissance Festival with her family again this year. We’ve met up with them at Renfest the past two years, so I see no reason to break the lively tradition now.
Renaissance Festival: Where to begin?
If you’ve never been, I highly recommend it. It’s definitely a unique way to spend a lovely autumn afternoon with the fam. My kids absolutely love it and look forward to it every year.
It’s set in a permanent 30-acre English village in Harveysburg, Ohio, near Waynesville. (See below for directions.)
Renfest happens on Saturdays and Sundays starting Sept. 5 and running through Oct. 25, with a bonus day of Sept. 7 (Labor Day) thrown in for good measure. Festival hours are 10:30 a.m. to 6 p.m., rain or shine.
The weather for opening weekend looks pleasant enough, so we are planning to join the Lords and Ladies for some 16th century fun.
Many visitors dress in costume, donning a persona from 16th century England and staying in character the whole day. A pirate here, a washwoman there, knights in shining armor, ladies-in-waiting, strolling minstrels, even monks and nuns — you get the picture. An opportunity to completely reinvent yourself. I can totally see why this culture appeals to so many young folk. The people-watching is very entertaining: That alone is worth the price of admission!
When we go this weekend, my 11-year-old daughter will be wearing a velvety period gown that her Grandma P. recently found at a yard sale, and her head will be festooned with a silk flower garland we bought at last year’s fest (there are so many to choose from on various carts that we spent 30 minutes picking just the right one). She’s so excited!
Our 13-year-old son will most likely be wearing one of the jester hats from his Crazy Hat Collection that I’ve written about before, and he’ll have a sword slung over his shoulder — “peace tied,” of course (which means that they are secured at the entrance to ensure a bloodless day at the faire).
Our littlest knight? Well, you can see for yourself in the accompanying photo. If I remember correctly, his decorated wooden sword cost about $15 at the festival. We found the rest of his costume at the Dollar Tree — helmet and shield were packaged together for the low, low price of $1. Underneath, he’ll have a tunic that Grandma H. sewed for big brother a decade ago.
Hubby will once again break out the realistic-looking elf ears that he bought at last year’s Renfest. How often do you get to live your LOTR fantasy?
Dozens of artisans and craftsmen will be working it just like back in olden times, creating beautiful candles, carvings, clothing, jewelry and the like.
One caution: The outing can get rather pricey. I suggest looking for a package deal on tickets. One offer includes admission for 4, 4 entrees, 4 drinks, 4 desserts, plus souvenir discounts — all for about $100. And that’s not too bad for a memorable day in an Old English Village.
Tickets can be purchased and printed from the Web site at a discount price: Adult admission is $16.99 (a savings of $3); youth tickets (ages 5-12) are $8.99 (a savings of $1). Children younger than 5 enter free.
The festival also features several theme weekends, such as a Swashbucklers Weekend, Octoberfest and Romance Weekend (several couples stage their weddings here).
A merry band of performers puts on about 100 shows daily. The Mud Show is bawdy — well, isn’t everything about 16th century England? — but it’s a big hit. Get there early for a good seat — the closer, the dirtier. The jousts and sword-fighting displays are pretty cool, too.
Knife, stars and ax throwing games are available for an extra fee. These are real live weapons, folks. This is not for the faint of heart. After a particularly skillful turn, Hubby was awarded a certificate of merit for his throwing prowess. We were all quite proud. (I can’t believe I let my older kids do this, but I did. Inhibitions seem to go out the window at Renfest!)
Parched from the dusty village trail? Mom and Dad can quaff a Woodchuck Draft Cider (Granny Smith is my favorite flavor). Woodchuck happens to be the sponsor of opening weekend’s “Family and Friends” discount Sept. 5, 6 and 7 — buy an adult ticket, get one free, with children younger than 12 admitted free (yippee!).
Old-fashioned grub for sale includes giant roasted turkey legs, fish and chips, ye olde chicken tenders, and ice cream treats.
To get there from Dayton: Take I-75 south to Exit 38 (Springboro/Franklin), then 15 miles east on Ohio 73 to the festival entrance; or, take Ohio 48 south to Ohio 73, then east on Ohio 73. The GPS coordinates are Latitude: 39.500023, Longitude: -83.997704. (OK, so I didn’t know that off the top of my head. It’s conveniently displayed on the festival Web site.)
Give this amusing outing a go; you likely won’t be disappointed.
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TweetChoosing the right response over the right now response
There are times as a parent when you know how you are supposed to respond to something your child says, even if it goes completely against the immediate response inside your head.
This happened to me recently when I was having a discussion with my older son before a recent football practice.
The fifth-grader, who has talked dreamily about wanting to play on a football team for the last three years, finally decided to put soccer on hold so he could take a shot at the gridiron this fall.
I wasn’t terribly pleased with his decision, since I am not too keen on my sons playing football.
It’s not just all the violence and subsequent chances for concussions I am against, but I know my kids. They aren’t overly aggressive and prefer to keep in constant motion — running, if possible.
But, I knew it was my son’s call to make and I was glad that he took control of his situation and made it.
So, in that spirit, I have been doing my best to be supportive as he battles and bruises his way through this new experience.
That brings us to the other day, when I was helping the 10-year-old get his gear together for practice.
It was about a week and a half into the season, and about the third day in a row that he had come down with a stomachache in the hour before we had to leave.
I could tell his enthusiasm for his new sport was waning, but I asked him what was wrong.
At first he just hemmed and hawed, saying he didn’t feel good and was sore all over from getting tackled. And then suddenly, the dam broke, and he started crying.
“I just hate it!” he said. “It’s so boring! I wish I had kept playing soccer.”
Now, although I hated to see him like that, inside my head I was yelling, “Yes! I thought you would hate it! Let’s go play soccer!”
Unfortunately, I figured that probably was not the most responsible and constructive response, so I said, “I understand” and gave him a hug.
Then I told him that he just had to get through that night’s practice, which was before a weekend break, and we would talk more about it.
After I got him sufficiently padded up and dropped him off at practice, I called my husband.
“He said he hates football!” I said, somewhat giddily, away from the ears of the kids. “Can we let him quit?”
“No!” my husband said. “He has to learn that he has to finish what he starts.”
“But what if he learns to not try anything because he might hate it?” I asked.
“You know him,” he said. “He needs to follow through on this, otherwise he will think he can quit anything.”
Sigh. I knew he was right, even if I didn’t want to agree with him.
So my son has continued to play football and is liking it a little more as he goes.
I have since heard from other parents on the team that their sons had similar reactions when they started playing. I was glad to hear that, and I do hope he can still enjoy the sport he has idolized for so long.
In the meantime, I will keep trying to be supportive — of his decisions and his best interest.
I’m sure I won’t always agree with what he wants to do, but I have to do my best to give him advice that gets him where he needs to be.
Despite the self-serving noise inside my head.
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TweetRenaissance Fest ticket deal ends Sept. 3!
Heading to the Ohio Renaissance Festival this fall? Today is your lucky day!
Hop online and buy your tickets today, Sept. 3 — the cutoff for discounted packages that can save you and your family some serious coin.
Click here to get awesome deals on packages including admission for 4, 4 entrees, 4 drinks, 4 desserts, plus souvenir discounts — all for $90.
According to the festival Web site, the limited-time-only offer will save you 33% off the retail price of $133.96. What a bargain!
Renfest happens on Saturdays and Sundays starting Sept. 5 and running through Oct. 25, with a bonus day of Sept. 7 (Labor Day) thrown in for good measure.
The weather for opening weekend looks pleasant enough, so we are planning to join the Lords and Ladies for some 16th century fun.
I’ll hit some highlights of the festival my Friday blog. Harveysburg, here we come!
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TweetKindergarten: Harder for child or for Mom?
I’m not sure who has had a harder time with the transition to kindergarten: me or my daughter.
I definitely expected my 5-year-old daughter to shed some tears on her first day of school last week. After all, it’s a big transition going from being with Mommy, Daddy, Grandma or Grandpa practically all day every day for five years to an all-day kindergarten program.
She’s a young 5, and despite two years of preschool, dance and gymnastics and lots of playmates and play dates, she’s still very clingy to her small circle of loved ones.
But still, I didn’t expect it to be this tough.
I spent most of the summer envisioning the first day of school. I’d walk Sophie to the classroom, give her a quick hug and say goodbye and she’d start crying, saying “Mommy, I don’t want you to go.”
But, that’s not how it happened.
My husband and I dropped her off, and she was perfectly fine. She didn’t even know I was there … she was too busy exploring her new surroundings.
In fact, I was the one who left the building in tears. I think I became so overwhelmed by another major milestone that I just couldn’t control my emotions. My baby girl is simply growing up way too fast. The realization that our lives would be forever changed from that point on hit me so hard.
Thankfully, I was able to make a graceful exit without being noticed by too many people, especially Sophie. But I went home and literally sobbed for four hours. I’m not exaggerating. I don’t know what came over me. Once I pulled it together, I spent the remainder of the day pacing frantically, wondering what Sophie was doing practically every second.
It was the longest day of my life.
When the school bus finally pulled up around 4 p.m. and we were reunited, I started crying again. I was so happy to see her.
What is wrong with me? I’m a working mom, so I’m used to being away from my children.
But the thing is, I have always known what they’ve been doing at all times. With my mom providing child care, I could call and talk to my kids at any given moment, get constant updates and daily reports and know their routine better than my own. And I never had to worry.
Not that I’m really worried about school; it’s just more mysterious. I can’t just call the teacher for updates (well, if I did, she might be really annoyed). I have to accept that I’ll only know bits and pieces… what I hear from Sophie and the occasional feedback, interaction I have with her teacher.
I guess it’s all about letting go … and I’m just not ready for that. I know it’s my job to prepare her for adulthood and to teach her to be independent and help her learn and grow.
But I can’t help but picture us loading up the car and driving Sophie to college. Five years come and gone in a blink of an eye. What about the rest? I don’t want this to end … ever.
I’m coping though. I realize this is a new part of Sophie’s life, and it’s an exciting time for her.
Sophie’s handling the transition fairly well. It’s definitely far from perfect.
She’s cried for small stretches three of the five days so far. On the first day, she spent gym class crying because she thought she had lost her lunch box. Day two and three went well. She was understandably tired and fell asleep after school, but no big problems. On the fourth day, she started crying at some point during the day and told her teacher she missed her family and just wanted to go home. On the fifth day, the same.
I hope this isn’t a new pattern, and I’m not really sure how to handle it. I don’t know what’s considered normal crying for a kindergartner, particularly a young kindergartner. When does it become excessive? How do I help her cope and adjust to her new routine?
It’s strange because Sophie seems to generally like school. She talks about what she liked most about her day, she has a few friends from preschool and the neighborhood already and she likes her teacher. She’s always in a good mood on school mornings and is excited to get on the bus.
But something happens along the way. I don’t know whether something at school is upsetting her or if it’s just such a long time away from her loved ones.
We’ll keep at it … but I’d love any advice or tips from you Moms, Dads, Grandmas, Grandpas and teachers who’ve been there. How do you help a child adjust to such a huge life change?
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