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Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2009 > September > 03 > Entry
Choosing the right response over the right now response
There are times as a parent when you know how you are supposed to respond to something your child says, even if it goes completely against the immediate response inside your head.
This happened to me recently when I was having a discussion with my older son before a recent football practice.
The fifth-grader, who has talked dreamily about wanting to play on a football team for the last three years, finally decided to put soccer on hold so he could take a shot at the gridiron this fall.
I wasn’t terribly pleased with his decision, since I am not too keen on my sons playing football.
It’s not just all the violence and subsequent chances for concussions I am against, but I know my kids. They aren’t overly aggressive and prefer to keep in constant motion — running, if possible.
But, I knew it was my son’s call to make and I was glad that he took control of his situation and made it.
So, in that spirit, I have been doing my best to be supportive as he battles and bruises his way through this new experience.
That brings us to the other day, when I was helping the 10-year-old get his gear together for practice.
It was about a week and a half into the season, and about the third day in a row that he had come down with a stomachache in the hour before we had to leave.
I could tell his enthusiasm for his new sport was waning, but I asked him what was wrong.
At first he just hemmed and hawed, saying he didn’t feel good and was sore all over from getting tackled. And then suddenly, the dam broke, and he started crying.
“I just hate it!” he said. “It’s so boring! I wish I had kept playing soccer.”
Now, although I hated to see him like that, inside my head I was yelling, “Yes! I thought you would hate it! Let’s go play soccer!”
Unfortunately, I figured that probably was not the most responsible and constructive response, so I said, “I understand” and gave him a hug.
Then I told him that he just had to get through that night’s practice, which was before a weekend break, and we would talk more about it.
After I got him sufficiently padded up and dropped him off at practice, I called my husband.
“He said he hates football!” I said, somewhat giddily, away from the ears of the kids. “Can we let him quit?”
“No!” my husband said. “He has to learn that he has to finish what he starts.”
“But what if he learns to not try anything because he might hate it?” I asked.
“You know him,” he said. “He needs to follow through on this, otherwise he will think he can quit anything.”
Sigh. I knew he was right, even if I didn’t want to agree with him.
So my son has continued to play football and is liking it a little more as he goes.
I have since heard from other parents on the team that their sons had similar reactions when they started playing. I was glad to hear that, and I do hope he can still enjoy the sport he has idolized for so long.
In the meantime, I will keep trying to be supportive — of his decisions and his best interest.
I’m sure I won’t always agree with what he wants to do, but I have to do my best to give him advice that gets him where he needs to be.
Despite the self-serving noise inside my head.
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