Badin vs. Fenwick
Northmont vs. Centerville
Northeastern vs. Southeastern
Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2009 > September > 01 > Entry
Kindergarten: Harder for child or for Mom?
I’m not sure who has had a harder time with the transition to kindergarten: me or my daughter.
I definitely expected my 5-year-old daughter to shed some tears on her first day of school last week. After all, it’s a big transition going from being with Mommy, Daddy, Grandma or Grandpa practically all day every day for five years to an all-day kindergarten program.
She’s a young 5, and despite two years of preschool, dance and gymnastics and lots of playmates and play dates, she’s still very clingy to her small circle of loved ones.
But still, I didn’t expect it to be this tough.
I spent most of the summer envisioning the first day of school. I’d walk Sophie to the classroom, give her a quick hug and say goodbye and she’d start crying, saying “Mommy, I don’t want you to go.”
But, that’s not how it happened.
My husband and I dropped her off, and she was perfectly fine. She didn’t even know I was there … she was too busy exploring her new surroundings.
In fact, I was the one who left the building in tears. I think I became so overwhelmed by another major milestone that I just couldn’t control my emotions. My baby girl is simply growing up way too fast. The realization that our lives would be forever changed from that point on hit me so hard.
Thankfully, I was able to make a graceful exit without being noticed by too many people, especially Sophie. But I went home and literally sobbed for four hours. I’m not exaggerating. I don’t know what came over me. Once I pulled it together, I spent the remainder of the day pacing frantically, wondering what Sophie was doing practically every second.
It was the longest day of my life.
When the school bus finally pulled up around 4 p.m. and we were reunited, I started crying again. I was so happy to see her.
What is wrong with me? I’m a working mom, so I’m used to being away from my children.
But the thing is, I have always known what they’ve been doing at all times. With my mom providing child care, I could call and talk to my kids at any given moment, get constant updates and daily reports and know their routine better than my own. And I never had to worry.
Not that I’m really worried about school; it’s just more mysterious. I can’t just call the teacher for updates (well, if I did, she might be really annoyed). I have to accept that I’ll only know bits and pieces… what I hear from Sophie and the occasional feedback, interaction I have with her teacher.
I guess it’s all about letting go … and I’m just not ready for that. I know it’s my job to prepare her for adulthood and to teach her to be independent and help her learn and grow.
But I can’t help but picture us loading up the car and driving Sophie to college. Five years come and gone in a blink of an eye. What about the rest? I don’t want this to end … ever.
I’m coping though. I realize this is a new part of Sophie’s life, and it’s an exciting time for her.
Sophie’s handling the transition fairly well. It’s definitely far from perfect.
She’s cried for small stretches three of the five days so far. On the first day, she spent gym class crying because she thought she had lost her lunch box. Day two and three went well. She was understandably tired and fell asleep after school, but no big problems. On the fourth day, she started crying at some point during the day and told her teacher she missed her family and just wanted to go home. On the fifth day, the same.
I hope this isn’t a new pattern, and I’m not really sure how to handle it. I don’t know what’s considered normal crying for a kindergartner, particularly a young kindergartner. When does it become excessive? How do I help her cope and adjust to her new routine?
It’s strange because Sophie seems to generally like school. She talks about what she liked most about her day, she has a few friends from preschool and the neighborhood already and she likes her teacher. She’s always in a good mood on school mornings and is excited to get on the bus.
But something happens along the way. I don’t know whether something at school is upsetting her or if it’s just such a long time away from her loved ones.
We’ll keep at it … but I’d love any advice or tips from you Moms, Dads, Grandmas, Grandpas and teachers who’ve been there. How do you help a child adjust to such a huge life change?
Permalink | Comments (7) | Post your comment | Categories: Milestones
Comments
By Johnny&sophiesmommy
September 2, 2009 6:39 PM | Link to this
Ahh, and this too shall pass. My boy is off to Kindergarten as well this year, I just wished he missed me more!
By Michelle
September 2, 2009 12:17 PM | Link to this
Thanks for the great advice. I’m going to try moving up the bedtime a half-hour tonight and see if that helps. We’ve been reading “The Kissing Hand” at night too. I’ve been emailing back and forth with her teacher, so that helps to hear from her.
By Brandy
September 2, 2009 10:14 AM | Link to this
I know how you feel all to well! I just sent my oldest son to kindergarten this year too. I held myself together until he was walking into the building as I walked away. Fortunately for me, my son loves every second, past getting up in the morning. This phase of our childrens life is like you said, an adjustment. It was especially hard for me, because I’m a stay at home mom, and he and my daughter are all I’ve known for the last 5 years. I’m just looking at it this way: with him in school, now I have more one on one time with my daughter. I miss him horribly, but I know he’s better off where he is, no matter how heartbroken I may be. Take care, and lets hope it just gets easier from here on out! :D
By Kim
September 2, 2009 10:04 AM | Link to this
My baby has her first day of college on Monday - talk about letting go! And her nephew - my first grandchild - is going through the difficult adjustment of Kindergarten. It’s not going well for him at all and I wish I was closer to help get him through it. Just understand that it DOES all pass so quickly - you are right - you will be packing her up for college before you know it! It also sounds to me like she is just getting over tired - all that stimulation and new data coming in can really exhaust those little ones.
By 1st grader mom
September 2, 2009 8:30 AM | Link to this
Put her to bed a half hour sooner than you are now. The crying could be from fatigue. My daughter did the same thing. Put her to bed at 8:30p vs. 9:00p and it stopped. Hopefully that can help for you too. You mentioned how tired she had been…I know I’m more emotional when I’m tired too :)
By Middle School Mom
September 2, 2009 8:17 AM | Link to this
I remember that day. It’s carved in my heart like stone! I just sent my child to middle school this year. I was just as ungraceful that day as I was 5 years ago in Kindergarten. Good for you for loving your child so much!
By LucyB
September 2, 2009 3:28 AM | Link to this
You said it yourself: It’s an adjustment period. Things will be tough on occasion in the interim, but once she sees that this IS the new routine, she’ll settle into it. Don’t be afraid to talk with the teacher about any fears you — or she — have. They’re professionals: They’ve usually dealt with every imaginable situation! I will advise you not to give her an out: If you let her stay home ‘just to spend extra time with mommy,’ or if she complains of a tummyache but is not sick, don’t be quick to let her skip school. This sets a dangerous precedent. My advice: Be supportive, talk about school with her, be positive, and maybe set up a few playdates with new friends from her class. And enjoy watching her blossom!