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Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2009 > September > 01
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Kindergarten: Harder for child or for Mom?
I’m not sure who has had a harder time with the transition to kindergarten: me or my daughter.
I definitely expected my 5-year-old daughter to shed some tears on her first day of school last week. After all, it’s a big transition going from being with Mommy, Daddy, Grandma or Grandpa practically all day every day for five years to an all-day kindergarten program.
She’s a young 5, and despite two years of preschool, dance and gymnastics and lots of playmates and play dates, she’s still very clingy to her small circle of loved ones.
But still, I didn’t expect it to be this tough.
I spent most of the summer envisioning the first day of school. I’d walk Sophie to the classroom, give her a quick hug and say goodbye and she’d start crying, saying “Mommy, I don’t want you to go.”
But, that’s not how it happened.
My husband and I dropped her off, and she was perfectly fine. She didn’t even know I was there … she was too busy exploring her new surroundings.
In fact, I was the one who left the building in tears. I think I became so overwhelmed by another major milestone that I just couldn’t control my emotions. My baby girl is simply growing up way too fast. The realization that our lives would be forever changed from that point on hit me so hard.
Thankfully, I was able to make a graceful exit without being noticed by too many people, especially Sophie. But I went home and literally sobbed for four hours. I’m not exaggerating. I don’t know what came over me. Once I pulled it together, I spent the remainder of the day pacing frantically, wondering what Sophie was doing practically every second.
It was the longest day of my life.
When the school bus finally pulled up around 4 p.m. and we were reunited, I started crying again. I was so happy to see her.
What is wrong with me? I’m a working mom, so I’m used to being away from my children.
But the thing is, I have always known what they’ve been doing at all times. With my mom providing child care, I could call and talk to my kids at any given moment, get constant updates and daily reports and know their routine better than my own. And I never had to worry.
Not that I’m really worried about school; it’s just more mysterious. I can’t just call the teacher for updates (well, if I did, she might be really annoyed). I have to accept that I’ll only know bits and pieces… what I hear from Sophie and the occasional feedback, interaction I have with her teacher.
I guess it’s all about letting go … and I’m just not ready for that. I know it’s my job to prepare her for adulthood and to teach her to be independent and help her learn and grow.
But I can’t help but picture us loading up the car and driving Sophie to college. Five years come and gone in a blink of an eye. What about the rest? I don’t want this to end … ever.
I’m coping though. I realize this is a new part of Sophie’s life, and it’s an exciting time for her.
Sophie’s handling the transition fairly well. It’s definitely far from perfect.
She’s cried for small stretches three of the five days so far. On the first day, she spent gym class crying because she thought she had lost her lunch box. Day two and three went well. She was understandably tired and fell asleep after school, but no big problems. On the fourth day, she started crying at some point during the day and told her teacher she missed her family and just wanted to go home. On the fifth day, the same.
I hope this isn’t a new pattern, and I’m not really sure how to handle it. I don’t know what’s considered normal crying for a kindergartner, particularly a young kindergartner. When does it become excessive? How do I help her cope and adjust to her new routine?
It’s strange because Sophie seems to generally like school. She talks about what she liked most about her day, she has a few friends from preschool and the neighborhood already and she likes her teacher. She’s always in a good mood on school mornings and is excited to get on the bus.
But something happens along the way. I don’t know whether something at school is upsetting her or if it’s just such a long time away from her loved ones.
We’ll keep at it … but I’d love any advice or tips from you Moms, Dads, Grandmas, Grandpas and teachers who’ve been there. How do you help a child adjust to such a huge life change?
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