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Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2009 > July > 06 > Entry
Mom trying not to make girl too girly
Last week I wrote about how people often mistake my daughter for a boy. Some people saw it for what it was - a light-hearted look at how it is sometimes difficult to tell whether a baby is a boy or a girl.
Others took me to task and some even made a valid point that maybe I shouldn’t be so concerned with gender norms.
In actuality, I’m not. I try not to push my young daughter into typical “girly” stuff. I don’t buy too much pink and opt for some blue (which might lead to the confusion).
My daughter has a Tonka fire truck and police car in honor of her uncle and grandfather’s chosen professions. The husband bought her matchbox cars, which she loves.
She plays with all of her boy cousin’s toys including a Home Depot workbench. I’ve even thought about getting her one of her own when she gets a little bigger. My parents have a John Deere child-sized riding tractor for my nephew that they said they would paint pink for my daughter. I told them it wouldn’t be necessary. Not everything has to be pink.
I’m also very adamant about keeping all things Disney Princess away for as long as possible. Too many play the damsel in distress waiting for their prince to save them - a lesson I want my daughter to buck. I want her to be her own heroine. I want her to know that she can do whatever she wants with or without a partner in her life.
I think it is all about balance and letting the child choose some. If she wants the Disney Princesses for awhile, so be it. But I’ll also try to include those such as Mulan, who picked her own path and fought for what she wanted.
When she gets older, I want her to be active in whatever makes her happy and balanced, whether that is sports or Girl Scouts or both.
How do you balance your child and negotiate typical gender norms?
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Comments
By Dad of a 7 year old
July 12, 2009 2:59 PM | Link to this
We all know you want the best for your daughter but it seems like your guidance is definitely leading her away from traditional little girl experiences. Personally, I think the problem is that the parent instinctively believs that females are weak and has to overcompensate by pushing boy activities on the girl. On the base level, boys are different than girls and there is absolutely no shame in being a girl. I apologize if this is too direct but I’m not sure of how else to state it.
By Shelly
July 8, 2009 8:05 AM | Link to this
I grew up with all boys so I was more like the tom-girl type and what do I have..a 4 yr. old girly girl which is so funny…has to wear dresses and nails done..not too big on the hair yet though. LOL!! Let them do whatever they want!! LOL!!
By DEB
July 7, 2009 11:33 AM | Link to this
I do agree that the styles of clothing for little girls looks like streetwalker wear. I raised a girl and made most of her clothes. There were no slits up the side etc. Mostly teach all kids how to groom themselves correctly. They can decide the styles themselves.
By Michelle Everhart-Sullivan
July 7, 2009 10:57 AM | Link to this
I should probably clarify that my daughter has more dresses than I do and I love dressing her in girly clothes. I just don’t want her to feel like that’s her only option when she gets older.
By Grandma
July 7, 2009 10:17 AM | Link to this
Enjoy pink and frills. Too soon it will be ugly tees and jeans with holes. They are only young once.
By momof3
July 7, 2009 9:33 AM | Link to this
I have 2 girls 12 and 10. When they were little they were dressed in pink, purple everything girlie. My 12 yr old is sooooo not girlie but still a girl. My 10 yr old loves sports and getting dirty but she also loves to tumble! I say they will let you know what they like whether you push it on them or not. Its so much more fun to dress little baby girls than it is boys anyway. :)
By Alice
July 6, 2009 2:50 PM | Link to this
I don’t think it’s good to push a kid in one direction or another - it should come naturally. However, as a mother to a tomboy, my daughter has trouble finding clothes and toys that aren’t pink and glittery and cheap. We often have to shop for her clothes in the boys section because they just don’t make tasteful girl’s clothes anymore. For example, I took her shopping to find a funeral-appropriate outfit, something tasteful, simple and not too bright and colorful. All we could find for a ten-year old girl were sheer dresses with slits up the legs and plunging necklines, glitter and bows everywhere. I recently took her shopping for a pair of sandals for summer… a simple pair of sandals! Of all the girl’s sandals at wal-mart, there wasn’t one pair that she could run in. Every pair was a slip-on with a heel! EVERY PAIR! I can usually expect to find at least ONE PAIR of sandals that she can wear. I had to go to several stores and finally found her a “teva-like” pair at a specialty shoe store and I paid a good price for them. Ironically, I had no trouble finding a pair of the same “teva-style” sandals at Wal-Mart for my son - apparently girls don’t run around in the summer, only boys. I understand that girls can be girly, and there’s nothing wrong with that but it seems too often that we don’t give them any other option if they don’t fit into that “princess mold” that they are so often told they need to squeeze themselves into. In addition, I really resent that the options seem to get more narrow with stores that cater more to lower income families so that low-income families, often managed by young single moms, have no choice but to allow their daughters to dress like tramps.
By priscilla
July 6, 2009 11:56 AM | Link to this
I have a girl and a boy and my girl was girlie until she started school. Then she wanted to fit in so she started wearing jeans and such. But It Did Not Hurt Her To Be Girlie. One day while shewas playing princess barbies she asked her brother if she could use his Doll (Woody from Toy Story) for a guy. He said yes. Little later he asked her for it and she looked at him sadly and said “I am so sorry but he did not make it. ” He had actually become the prisoner! Not the Prince who rescued her. So I am pretty certain she may have a motor bike and paint it pink but wont need rescuing. Let your girls decide!
By LE
July 6, 2009 11:29 AM | Link to this
When my son was 3 he wanted a baby doll that cried. Of coiurse I bought it for him, it’s perfectly normal. You would not believe the flack I got form family, friends, men AND women. He is 17 now and is a society norm… So buying him that doll didn’t change who is.
By the Strawboss
July 6, 2009 11:02 AM | Link to this
What we think of as “normal” is often just someone else’s rules for gender roles created centuries ago. Roles for girls are often not very empowering (princess, damsel in distress). My daughter saw a woman on a motorcycle the other day and said “I didn’t know a girl could ride a motorcycle without a guy!” I flipped out. She is BIG into gender roles, and is always telling people what they are allowed to do based on that. I’m working hard to teach her she can do or be whatever.
By grandma
July 6, 2009 10:29 AM | Link to this
It is all about letting them choose. Don’t keep the princess or other girlie things away from her if that is what she likes. My 2 girls loved dolls and sports. Please let her be a girl.
By 2girlsMom
July 6, 2009 10:05 AM | Link to this
My 2 girls are grown now, but I didn’t worry about such stuff when they were little. They were both dressed in pink and were never without hairbows, but they had trucks, sports equipment, Legos sets, etc., and liked them as much as their doll babies and play stove. Both played All-Star softball all through school, and one went on to play at the college level. One had to leave the diamond early to play at her piano recital with dirt under her fingernails! :) They chose their own ways without (or maybe, in spite of) direction from me.