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Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2009 > June > 15 > Entry
Am I a bad mother or a good mother?
Mommy bloggers recently began declaring themselves bad mothers, proclaiming that bad is the new good.
They aren’t being arrested for crimes and their children aren’t neglected. They are just going against what society and many parenting books deem “good mothers.”
One blogger admits to a few crimes against motherhood including using disposable diapers, letting her children watch television too much and allowing them to eat cookies for breakfast.
Another mother says she turns on autopilot most days and raises her children the best she knows how.
I still consider myself a rookie to motherhood. My daughter will turn a year old in a about a month and every day it seems like we run into something new - like why does she keep throwing herself backward whenever she doesn’t get her way and then cry harder when she hits her head on the nearest object?
All of that aside I’m trying to be the best mother I can be, but I am in no way perfect.
I’m sure there will be days when I let me her watch too much television so I can get something done around the house. She might have to settle for fast food once in awhile. She will most likely go to public schools.
Parenthood doesn’t fit any guidelines. The books and experts can give us an idea of what to expect but I’ve never read a book that told me what to do when poo ends up on the ceiling.
I do know that my daughter is loved, more than I thought even possible.
I don’t love her less if I give her a Cheeto. I don’t love her less if I let her nap in my arms instead of her crib. I don’t love her less if I look the other way when her father buys her a Happy Meal.
In all that can happen in a day with children, I think the best any of us can hope for is to still love our children, be thankful that they are healthy and laugh about any mishaps along the way.
So do you consider yourself a good or a bad mother?
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Comments
By Michelle
June 15, 2009 7:14 PM | Link to this
Very well said, Amber. I think we as mother’s all need to support each other in decisions even if we don’t necessarily agree with them and as long as it isn’t harmful to the child. Sometimes what is best for one family isn’t always best for another.By Amber
June 15, 2009 4:04 PM | Link to this
I have found that most of the criticism or judgment about being a “bad” parent comes from people who either never had kids, have kids that are grown and gone and have forgotten what it’s like, or don’t like the same kind of lifestyle as us full-time working moms do. Walk a mile in my shoes before you criticize my feeding of fast food or processed snacks and cereal. I love my kids just as much as you do yours and I not only have to deal with the stresses of everyday life but GUILT on top of it for not being with them all day long just to keep the bills paid. We are all women and mothers here, let’s cut each other some slack!By ohgodno
June 15, 2009 2:33 PM | Link to this
I’m a good mom. I follow my own rules. Cookies for breakfast occasionally never killed anybody. Neither did cold pizza. In my book, sugary stuff is ok. I’m not part of the “green movement”. Going out in the cold without a coat does NOT cause pneumonia. TV is a god-send when I’m busy. I even fed all mine cereal at 6 weeks and amazingly they lived.By Jenn
June 15, 2009 11:24 AM | Link to this
I think I am a pretty good mom. I am a young mom (26) of a 3 year old girl. I let her be her, but I follow the guidelines of sharing, being polite, and all the basic manners. If one morning she wants cookies instead of oatmeal..ok. If she is going to scream and throw a fit because its’ her bed time that’s not okay in my book. I don’t think we can follow the “books of parenting”, or all the children would be the same and have the same personalities. Raising our kids how we choose and how we think is best is diversity. There are bad mothers out there, but most are just doing the best they can with what they’ve been given. I would love to spend more time with my daughter, but I also want to provide her with the things she needs and wants and if that means I have to work a fulltime job and a part time job then I do. I want to teach her responsibility and independence and getting the luxuries of life by working for them, and not getting them handed to her.By Michelle
June 15, 2009 9:47 AM | Link to this
I’m a good mother, but I’m always hard on myself for not being a better mother. I think the whole struggle comes down to balancing responsibilities in the home and outside the home. Books are a great resource, but there’s nothing better than a mom’s instinct. You have to do what you feel is best for your kids, even if it isn’t what “parenting experts” say is best. Every good mother has some bad moments, but that’s life. There will be days when you lose your patience, you don’t spend as much time with the kids as you’d like because of work or responsibilities at home and yes, you feed them fast food for dinner and cookies for breakfast. I think as I’m becoming more confident as a mom (I have a 4-year-old and 1-year-old), I worry less about doing everything by the book.By Lea
June 15, 2009 9:22 AM | Link to this
I’m a good mother. I don’t do everything for my kids or hover. My parents did just fine without all the warnings, etc.