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Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2009 > May > 14 > Entry
Making plans for ‘golden years’ starts early
I was feeling pretty old a couple of weekends ago. I had spent most of that Saturday gardening and the Sunday after it nursing muscles that shouldn’t have been nearly that sore.
But come Monday, after spending some time with my great-aunt, I started feeling downright sprightly. My little aches and pains must have snaked away in embarrassment, knowing that hers could have blown them over with an exhale.
My great-aunt is 88 and recently moved to the Dayton area after living near Chicago for most of her life. She wanted to be closer to family, and my sister and I have been helping her get settled in.
But even though she is “doing well for 88,” as the multiple doctors we meet with keep telling her, it is difficult to see how challenging the simplest tasks can be, like cooking a meal or climbing a staircase.
My husband also has been taking care of his father, who lives in a nursing home in Cincinnati. Although his needs are very different from those of my great-aunt, dealing with both of their situations has been eye-opening.
It has made me not only have more sympathy for the elderly, but also has made me think more about how I might spend my old age.
And that has driven me to want to do whatever I can to make sure I am healthy now and that I will be well taken care of when I get older.
And I am not alone. Many of the 30- or 40-something moms I know have been thinking about this as well.
At a recent soccer practice (I always seem to be at soccer practice), some of the other moms and I started discussing this topic on the sidelines.
One mom works in the medical field. She said she sees some older parents who are doted on, and those who aren’t.
“There are those who are checking their watch the whole time that their mom or dad is in (the doctor’s office),” she said. “And then there are those patients whose fingernails are painted, but they don’t even know their own name.”
She added that she thought her son would be the one taking care of her, rather than her daughter, when she got up in years.
“He would be the one to pluck those hairs from my chin. He cares more about the way I feel than his sister does.”
Another mom, who also has a daughter and son, said she has been reminding her kids for years that all she is doing for them is being credited to her account, and she will collect when she is old and frail.
“I tell them, ‘That’s another visit to the nursing home!’ ”
To which her daughter responded with a smile: “We’re up to like 700, aren’t we, Mom?”
Another mother, who has two boys, said she is going to leverage an old Mustang that both the boys want.
“I’ve already told them,” she said, “whoever takes care of me gets the car.”
As for me, I already pulled my older son aside after one of our tougher trips to see his grandfather. He, more than his brother, tends to lean more toward me than his dad.
I figured I’d better lock in my preferred situation while he still likes the idea of living with Mom.
“I’m not going to live in a nursing home,” I told the 9-year-old. “I’m going to live with you, OK?”
Then I smiled.
He nodded, a little wide-eyed, in agreement.
But I won’t really hold him to that, yet. I’ll wait at least another 10 years or so before I revisit that weighty conversation — and bring something for him to sign.
In the meantime, I guess I’d better toughen up a little for the real aches and pains to come.
As Bette Davis aptly put it: “Old age ain’t no place for sissies.”
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