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Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2009 > March > 31 > Entry
Motherhood: Biting Tongue aids hard lessons
When people find out you are expecting — typically baby No. 1 — the response is excitement followed by, “Your life is going to change.”
Then they proceed with the long list of items you will have to learn to deal with: midnight feedings, diaper blow-outs, runs to the pediatrician, temper tantrums. I vowed, despite how correct these statements are, I would not be a person who says this.
I have yet to find out from my brother if I succeeded at this while his wife was pregnant with their first baby. Probably not.
I am far from an expert at mothering. I learned the same way with my first child as all first time mothers do — by going through it.
My cousin Amanda, who might as well be my sister, as even in our 30s we still have sibling-like cat fights, is pregnant with her first child.
Suffering with the agony of morning sickness, she called me recently bawling. “Are you OK?” I asked. “Nnnnooo,” she sobbed. “I am so sick.” I think my oh-so-sensitive reply was, “Get used to it.”
This child I myself am carrying has apparently sucked away not only my brain but any empathy I may have normally felt. “I mean, uh … didn’t your doctor tell you that was a ‘good thing’?” I asked. “Yyeahh,” she said. “It will get better. It’s all worth it,” I said coming to my senses. Nice recovery. Maybe she didn’t notice.
Actually, I couldn’t be happier for her and her husband. Amanda, who is Miss Career Woman, is experiencing what I consider to be “normal” mother-to-be anxieties: concern for her job; worry that she is being judged as irresponsible and pressure to “get things in order” for her maternity leave.
How do you gently say, while you are rushing home yourself because Grandma called and your son has a burning-hot fever, “You can’t worry about that. Your priorities are going to drastically shift.”
Priority shift is something I knew was coming, but didn’t understand until it happened. I gave up a full-time manager position to take a part-time coordinator position because it was best for my sons and myself.
People, including my husband, were stunned at my change in priorities.
Parenting is trial-by-error, baptism by fire and the greatest adventure I’ve been on. I am thrilled to welcome Amanda on board for the ride — and will do my best to keep my mouth shut.
How did you prepare for the changes that come with parenting? What advice do you offer moms-to-be?
Contact this reporter at (937) 328-0356 or dmjordan@coxohio.com.
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