Badin vs. Fredericktown
Miamisburg graduation 2012
Valley View vs. Greenville
Home > Blogs > Adventures in Motherhood > Archives > 2005 > October > 06 > Entry
Breast, bottle or both: Do what is right for you
Breastfeeding — whew, what an experience. Am I glad I did it? Yes, absolutely. Was I glad when it came to an end? Yes to that, too. If you’ve read the other entries about the breast vs. bottle on Adventures in Motherhood this week, you’ve seen that everyone has a different experience with it. Mine is no exception.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure about the whole breastfeeding thing in the early weeks of pregnancy. I wasn’t fully aware of its benefits, and I am one of those women who always felt a little weird when other mothers just whipped out their breasts to nurse in the middle of the mall. Now, I’m not against it nor was I offended by it, but it just made me feel weird, like I was seeing something that felt too private and personal.
But soon I stocked up on baby magazines and books and learned that breastfeeding really is a superior choice for the baby. I was committed to at least giving it a shot. In my mind, I set short-term goals. My first goal was to at least do it in the hospital so the baby would get the colostrum, the first milk the mammary glands produce after giving birth that is filled with antibodies to help keep your baby healthy. Then, I decided that I was going to give it my best shot to continue breastfeeding at least through the end of my 10-week maternity leave. Then my goal quickly became two months, four months, six months … you see the pattern.
So it started off pretty well in the hospital. Things happened exactly as expected from the breastfeeding class I took prior to childbirth. They brought the baby over about 20 minutes after she was born, and they brought a lactation consultant in for assistance. Here’s where I knew things were not going to be easy. As I was positioning my baby for her first feeding, the lactation consultant proceeded to grab my breast and slap it around like it was some piece of hamburger she was pattying up, stuffing it into my tiny child’s mouth. (Note: This may not be typical of what it was like to work with a lactation consultant, but it was my experience.) I was too shocked to say anything — so I just sat in stunned silence, but was nonetheless pleased because my baby daughter seemed to get the hang of things pretty quickly.
Things went well through the hospital stay — she was not offered, nor did she need, any bottles, so we were off to a good start. Well, other than the excruciating pain radiating from my chest. (Suggestion: Line up some Lansinoh and Soothies BEFORE you give birth, so it’s there the second you need it).
Those first few mix were an equal mix of pride and satisfaction of successfully breastfeeding my baby and watching her thrive, existing solely on milk from my body, combined with the pain, frustration of getting her to latch on right every time and exhaustion. It honestly felt like all I did for most of my maternity leave was nurse. And I can also say that if my husband hadn’t been so supportive — understanding how badly I wanted breastfeeding to work, but also giving me his blessing to let go and give her formula if I felt I couldn’t do it anymore — I would not have made it past those first couple of weeks. It’s just that I really wanted to do it — we were getting the hang of things, and I really did feel quite bonded with her.
About a week before going back to work, we decided it was wise to start my daughter on the bottle. I had been pumping out milk in between feedings and freezing it to build a supply for my return to work. She did great and took to the bottle immediately. For the first week, she switched back and forth between breast and bottle beautifully. Then, she suddenly realized the bottle was much less work for her than breastfeeding, so she just decided she was done. Every time I tried to nurse, she would just scream and cry, which also made me cry. What was I doing wrong and why won’t my child let me feed her? Frustrated and tired from returning to work and still being sleep deprived, we gave up the battle and gave her the bottle.
I know I could have — and probably should have — called a lactation consultant right then. But honestly, I didn’t want someone ripping my breasts around again like that, so I found my own way to deal with it: I just pumped … and pumped and pumped and pumped. I pumped six times a day for about three months. My schedule became something like this: wake up at 6 a.m. and pump; go to work at 8 a.m.; pump at 10 a.m. in the lactation room at work; pump again at work at 2 p.m.; leave work at 5; pump three more times before bed at about 5:30, 8 and 10; collapse into bed. I had to pump that often to keep up my milk supply and accommodate her growing appetite. I felt like my entire existence was to be connected to the pump. In fact, about every picture of my daughter and I in her first six months has our friend Medela in the background.
Finally, I had just had enough. I felt a lot of guilt about giving up, but I also knew that my sanity was at stake here. I made the decision just before my daughter turned six months to gradually switch her to formula. I still had enough frozen milk stocked that we made it to the six-month mark with her exclusively on breast milk. I remember crying as I thawed that last bag of milk for her — reflecting on how absolutely wonderful yet difficult my breastfeeding experience was.
But, I’m damn proud of myself for hanging in there for that long. Breastfeeding didn’t go quite as I expected, but it won’t stop me from trying it again with my next child. And truly, whatever you decide is best for you and your family — whether it’s breastfeeding, formula, a mix of the two or just pumping milk like a maniac — is just fine.
Permalink | Comments (1) | Categories: Breast or bottle?
Comments
By kathi
October 7, 2005 11:15 PM | Link to this
You should get a medal for pumping that often for that long! Pumping is so much harder than nursing. Nursing an infant is a FT job, so you should have no regrets.