Are parents spanking less and yelling more?

By Jill Kelley | Thursday, November 5, 2009, 07:00 AM

There was an article in the New York Times last month that hit a little too close to home for me.

The article was titled, “For Some Parents, Shouting Is the New Spanking.”

It talked about how many of today’s parents find it less socially acceptable to spank their children and, as a result or for lack of a better option, have “incongruously and with regularity” become a generation that yells.

The article also said the yelling may be partly a releasing of stress for multitasking, overachieving, time-crunched adults.

Of course, as is the cosmic way of the world, I read this article the day after I had screamed at my 8- and 10-year-olds for coming to blows over a few pieces of leftover pizza.

In general, I feel like I yell at my kids too much, and it is true I have only spanked them a handful of times. And even by “spanked” I mean giving their bottoms a swat when they were little.

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Halloween about to give up the ghost

By Jill Kelley | Thursday, October 29, 2009, 07:06 AM

It is mere days before Halloween, and I have to ask: Do your kids have their costumes yet?

This might seem like a silly question, especially for parents of little ones who likely have had their beloved costumes (or at least plans for them) for months.

I ask because just the skeleton of that pink, pudgy love remains in my house. In fact, as I write this, my elementary-schoolers still don’t have a stitch of ghoulish garb, or anything remotely Halloween-y.

And, although they are just fine with that, it is kind of bumming me out. I mean, it wasn’t that long ago that we were searching in earnest for the perfect Harry Potter glasses, or trying to find a mask that wouldn’t cause the younger one to sport truly bloody knees.

Is it me or aren’t they a little young for the fascination to have worn off?

It’s not like I wasn’t warned. Last year, the then second- and fourth-graders showed a dropoff in interest from the year before.

At the time, I faulted premature visions of sugarplums for their sudden lack of Halloween luster.

But I can’t even fault St. Nick this year, since I also am the one bringing up Christmas.

“Why don’t you guys start your Christmas lists?” I asked them when they were bored a week or so ago.

“In October?” they asked.

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Help your child make friends

By LucyB | Wednesday, October 28, 2009, 06:54 PM

I love my friends. I am blessed to have forged dozens of lasting relationships with childhood buddies, college pals, good neighbors and forever friends from every city we’ve lived in.

They lift me up in times of need (like right now, when my mother-in-law is hospitalized and the whole family is in full panic mode), whether it’s with a homemade cranberry bread or thoughtful posting on my Facebook wall.

Some people are loners: My Hubby grew up out in the country with few kids around and has a few close friendships, and that’s enough for him.

Me? I’m happiest when I’m making that personal connection. Sharing joys and sorrows with others is at my essence.

Best buds

But how do you help your children build those friendships that will buoy them throughout their lives?

What I’ve tried to do is:

1) Teach the Golden Rule.

2) Be a friend to make a friend — Playdates, babysitting co-ops, carpools, sideline chats at sporting events, coffee dates, and especially potluck suppers can really bond families to one another. You won’t know if you’re a good ‘fit’ with another family until you spend time together. When it works, you just feel it. So be brave and extend an invitation. Your house doesn’t have to be spotless to have guests, ‘cause the kids will just mess it up anyway (at least that’s the excuse I use ;).

3) Practice ‘Friendship Maintenance’ — Cultivate and maintain new and old relationships through letters and e-mail, sharing pictures, visits, phone calls. Yes, we all go through busy phases, but keep making that connection, even if it’s just a photo card during the holidays.

We moved to Ohio when our kids were ages 7 and 4. They already had a network of friends, and we’ve encouraged the kids to stay in touch with them. The computer is a godsend for this, and now that the kids are older, there’s Facebook, e-mails, unlimited texting and Xbox 360 live.

Living in an Air Force town and in a bad economy, we’ve had to say goodbye to quite a few friends since we came to Dayton seven years ago. It’s sometimes hard for the kids, but we remind them of all the ‘away’ friends we have.

When we travel, we always try to make detours to far-flung friends’ homes along the way. This usually takes a lot of scheduling coordination on both ends, but it’s always worth it to see the kids run off and play with their old friends like they were together yesterday, and sit back and share a glass of wine or game of cards and reconnect with your adult friends. This is like heaven to me.

So help your child make a friend. The peace it can bring to his or her heart is the best gift you could give.

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Research guides decision on H1N1 vaccination

By Jill Kelley | Thursday, October 22, 2009, 10:26 AM

There has been much discussion among parents across the country as to whether we should have our children vaccinated for H1N1, or swine flu.

A national poll conducted in August through C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital and the University of Michigan found that most parents — 60 percent — were not planning to have their children vaccinated.

Those who were against the vaccine cited multiple reasons, including concerns about vaccine side effects, the fact that they weren’t worried that their children would get H1N1, and/or because they prefer to fight the flu with medications.

And some of those polled, 20 percent, said they didn’t think H1N1 was a serious disease.

In contrast, those who did plan to get it did believe H1N1 to be a serious disease (83 percent), worried about their kids getting this flu and noted that the vaccine was recommended for children.

I am among the many parents who share concerns from both camps. I do think H1N1 is a serious disease, and find it is extremely worrisome that children are particularly vulnerable.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, pediatric deaths from the H1N1 flu virus already rival the annual total from seasonal flu.

This week’s tragic news about the death of a Springboro kindergartner who had tested positive for H1N1 brings that even closer to home.

I also have inherent misgivings about any new vaccine, due to an experience I had a couple of months after my first son was born.

Back then, I allowed him to get a recently introduced vaccine for rotavirus, only to have it recalled two weeks later. He did not experience the side effects for which the vaccine was recalled and did not come down with the rotavirus, but that experience made me more cautious about medical decisions.

Then there also is the concern about the vaccine among parents who believe there is a link between vaccines and mercury, and autism and other neurological disorders.

I know medical research shows there is no link, and I have met parents who would bet their lives that there is.

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Halloween fun in your neighborhood!

By LucyB | Friday, October 16, 2009, 02:00 AM

Our little town gets into the Halloween spirit in a big way. Annual events include a PTO pumpkin sale and a fall festival featuring carnival games, horse-drawn wagon rides and a blocks-long scarecrow contest that has to be seen to be appreciated.

Third-place winner, “es-SCARE-got” scarecrow from Oakwood Sister City Association.

The civic celebrations continue on a neighborly level with sneaky visits from the ding-dong-ditch crew clandestinely delivering treats via the Phantom Ghost. (Find out how to start this inexpensive, fun tradition with your own friends by clicking here.)

Witches brew bubbles at the neighborhood costume party.

We’ve also been lucky enough to score standing invitations for the neighborhood pumpkin-carving party — it’s the stuff of legends — and an annual costume party for adults and kiddies alike. (Hubby won honors a few years back dressed as the pope!)

On the Big Night itself, little “beggars” come out in droves to troll our streets for sweets. A local church hands out bags of fresh-popped popcorn and cups of warm cider. One neighbor spins cotton candy on his porch. Walk around long enough and you’ll see everyone in town.

If you live in an area without such welcoming festivities, it’s high time to create your own traditions. You can start small by inviting a few friends over for a soup supper before trick-or-treating. Or think big and make your house a destination spot with lots of creepy animatronic creatures in your yard.

Above all, take some time this autumn to get out and mingle with your neighbors before winter’s long hibernation period. The connections you make now will give you a warm glow that lasts the whole year through.

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News stories prompt talk about gun safety

By Jill Kelley | Thursday, October 15, 2009, 07:37 AM

A couple of recent news stories, one local and one not, have brought gun use by private citizens to the forefront, and got the parent in me thinking even more about gun safety.

One of the stories showed the benefits of having a gun in the house, while the other story had a more tragic end.

The local story documented how four Dayton-area residents, in a four-week period this year, defended themselves by shooting at armed individuals.

Three of these four cases ended with either the arrest or death of the alleged offender, while none of the citizens who did the defensive shooting are facing criminal charges.

That would be the more positive domestic gun story.

The other story was about a Pennsylvania mother, Meleanie Hain, 31, who first made news last year for carrying a loaded, holstered handgun to her 5-year-old daughter’s soccer games.

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Mother has sticker shock over American Girl Dolls

By Michelle Everhart-Sullivan | Monday, October 12, 2009, 09:50 AM

My husband just called to tell me he has an extra person to dress in the morning. No, we didn’t suddenly have another child. My 15-month-old daughter discovered her Bitty Baby.

My husband’s grandmother bought our daughter a Bitty Baby doll before she had become a bitty baby herself. I tucked it away in her closet thinking we wouldn’t get it back out until she was much older.

But then my parents traveled to Chicago a few weeks ago and stopped at The American Girl doll store to get clothes for Bitty Baby - a $34 outfit. For a doll. Granted it had chambray pants, a shirt, a jacket, hat, shoes, tights and a jumper, but still it’s for a doll. I wouldn’t even spend that much on an outfit for my daughter.

Since we had an outfit for Bitty Baby, I decided to get her out of storage just to see how my daughter would react. It was like the angels sang when I pulled that doll out of the box. My daughter quickly snatched it from me like it was her long-lost baby, kissing it and gently patting it’s back. She refused to put it down all night.

Then this morning, she insisted that my husband dress Bitty Baby in her new outfit before anyone else in the house had been dressed.

The husband and I talked about getting our daughter one of the American Girl dolls for Christmas until I saw how much they cost. For an actual doll, it’s $95. Just the doll and a book. If you want a deal, you can get a Bitty Baby for $42.

If that weren’t enough of a sticker shock, you can get outfits that cost $60 to match your dolls outfits. Or a jacket for $98. And if you really want to spend those hard-earned dollars, you can buy a bed for the doll for $108 or maybe even a doll storage cabinet for $349.

I think this is an extravagance we will let grandparents and great-grandparents spend their money on.

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