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Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Highlighting the lowlights of 2008
Since I’m lucky enough to choose which films I review, I’m usually able to avoid real stinkers. This year, I counted only three films that got a D-range grade. Even so, there were still plenty of moments to make my eyes roll and my stomach turn.
Worst Film: 10,000 B.C. This stupid, turgid mess certainly seemed to last 10,000 years. Full review.
Worst Sequel: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: So badly directed it actually made a fight between Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh boring. And it made Maria Bello, the replacement for Rachel Weisz, less than appealing to boot. Full review.
Worst Remake: The Day the Earth Stood Still, or The Two Hours Time Stood Still. Full review.
Biggest Disappointment: Quantum of Solace, with its frenzied-to-the-point-of-incomprehension action scenes. A major letdown after the triumph of Casino Royale.
Most overpraised film: Milk. Too many critics confused a great subject and a great lead performance with great filmmaking, which was in short supply.
Worst Trailer: Beverly Hills Chihuahua. And yet the thing still made $93 million. Yeesh. To borrow a phrase from critic Leonard Maltin, “I don’t expect ten-year-olds to be critical; I just pray that someday someone will introduce them to something better.”
Worst Waste of Resources: How Mamma Mia! underused Amanda Seyfried, the one and only cast member who had a truly great singing voice.
Worst Come-On: “You’re like a drug to me. Like my own personal brand of heroin,” from Twilight. I wonder how far I’d get if I told a girl that she beats an acid trip any day of the week.
Worst Hypocrites: Megaplex Theatres in Utah, which would not play Zack and Miri Make a Porno, but had absolutely no problem playing Saw V.
Most Pathetic Onscreen Death: It happens in Seven Pounds. I won’t give anything away except to say one word: Jellyfish.
Most Insufferable Complainers: The people who complained about the “nuke the fridge” scene from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Because after all, the appeal of Indy’s adventures was always their gritty realism, Spare me. Second runner-up: The people who said WALL-E denigrated the obese. Third-runner up: The grossly misguided Special Olympics protest against Tropic Thunder.
Biggest cause for alarm in 2009: The sequel to Alvin and the Chipmunks is actually called the “Squeakuel.” Oy. Please New Year, let’s be late.
Coming Wednesday: The other end of the spectrum, the best movies of the year. For now, tell me: What were your least favorite movies or movie moments from 2008?
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