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What are the lump of coal Christmas movies?
A number of times on this blog, I’ve asked you about your cinematic holiday favorites - movies, Scrooges, Santas and so on. Now it’s time to get Grinchy and look at the Christmas movies that make you pout and cry.
I like to think my judgment has been sound enough to avoid most Christmas movies with terrible reputations like Surviving Christmas and Jingle all the Way, but I’ve been unlucky enough to experience a few that actually manage to make fruitcake seem delectable.
Deck the Halls: I have to confess, I haven’t actually seen the whole thing, but believe me, it’s all for the better. I stayed away from it in theaters, but I happened to catch a few scenes on TV because I can’t resist watching Kristin Chenoweth. Even with her in the movie, I saw enough to convince me that an “r” was missing from the first word in the title.
Fred Claus: When the first trailer for this came out, featuring Paul Giamatti as Santa and Vince Vaughn as his ne’er-do-well brother Fred, I thought it looked really funny. Thing was, that trailer was just the two actors riffing and wasn’t footage from the real movie. No wonder: the real movie was a snide, humorless wreck that wasted some really talented people. Between this and the underwhelming Four Christmases, maybe Vaughn should just admit holiday cheer isn’t his shtick.
Jack Frost: It’s not a Christmas movie per se, but any film that features the world’s ugliest snowman has to go on the list. I don’t care if it contained the spirit of a dead relative, if that monstrosity crossed my path, its next stop would be a sauna.
Scrooged: A lot of people really seem to like Bill Murray’s Scrooge vehicle, and for the life of me I can’t figure out why. Loud, shrill and obnoxious, the movie made me want to deck, all right - deck everyone on screen. You want a truly funny anti-Christmas movie, watch Bad Santa instead.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: I don’t understand why everyone picks on this movie. I saw it once and thought it was hysterical. Oh wait - you mean it’s not supposed to have that guy and those two robots down in the corner?
Note: A lot of people would put the live action version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas here. While it’s not a very good film, I can’t put it on my list because The Cat in the Hat made Grinch look Miracle on 34th Street.
So what holiday movies make your heart three sizes too small?
Permalink | Comments (24) | Post your comment | Categories: Ask the Audience
Comments
By Grinch
December 25, 2008 12:46 PM | Link to this
I was forced by my family to see “Elf” once. Truly horrible. Fortunately I haven’t seen any of the others mentioned.By Santa
December 21, 2008 5:31 AM | Link to this
Christmas movies are overrated. People like me who have ADHD can’t sit still enough to watch stupid X-Mas movies. I’d rather watch football and listen to my wife say “is that all u watch is sports.” that gives me the opportunity to stand up and toss her outside in the cold,oh yeh baby,every mans dream. Now,i can watch the game in peace.By snowblow
December 19, 2008 8:59 AM | Link to this
My top two picks for best movie are National Lampoons Christmas Vacationa and of course Christmas Story with the famous red rider bb gun.By snowblow
December 19, 2008 8:57 AM | Link to this
Scrooged is a great movie. Great cast and Murray is hilarious. It has all the cliche’s of a christmas special. Santa and the Martians is lame/funny, but really hard to watch.By Tony
December 19, 2008 8:26 AM | Link to this
Scrooged—a fine update of A Christmas Carol—should be nowhere near this list.By ron
December 19, 2008 8:05 AM | Link to this
we’re all beating around the bush here… once a director has decided to make a christmas movie, he/she has decided to make a bad movie. per se.By Audry
December 19, 2008 6:47 AM | Link to this
My family LOVES “Christmas Vacation” & “A Christmas Story”!! My sister & I even bought our step-dad a leg lamp, and it’s proudly displayed in the living room all year long! :)By charlie
December 19, 2008 12:36 AM | Link to this
Even though it wasn’t a movie, the ill-fated Star Wars, Holiday Special, with hit songs like, “What do you get a Wookie for Christmas (when he already owns a comb)”. It was pure schlock, but we LOVED IT!!!!By Pearls
December 18, 2008 11:47 PM | Link to this
I truly miss the good ‘ol animated Christmas classics: Nestor the Long-Eared Donkey, Frosty (which sometimes still shows), Rudolph, and what ab out the one for New Years where baby new year had these huge ears? Am I the only one who misses these? Claymation at its best! Or maybe they were puppets…whatever. Awesomeness. I love A Christmas Story because I did think it was funny, but more than that, thanks to TBS, I know that for 24 hours, I can turn to them and be able to pick up anywhere in the film if nothing else is on!By MIchelle
December 18, 2008 8:11 PM | Link to this
And a comment to the author - “Scrooged” isn’t an anti-Christmas movie at all - anymore than the original “Christmas Carol” is anti-Christmas. It’s just an updated version of that tale, but not anti-Christmas in its message. “Bad Santa” - seriously? It’s like watching an X-rated movie with some guy in a Santa hat - disgusting.By Michelle
December 18, 2008 8:08 PM | Link to this
I’d have to agree with the person who said “Silent Night Deadly Night”. I’m all for horror movies, but that one is just WRONG. Also, “Christmas with the Kranks” and “Deck the Halls” are horrendous. “Jingle All the Way” ranks up there, too. My faves are: The original Grinch, “Scrooged”, “Christmas Vacation”, “Muppets Christmas Carol”, “Elf” and “A Christmas Story”. Merry Christmas, all!By Oldtimer
December 18, 2008 4:13 PM | Link to this
Perhaps those who don’t like “A Christmas Story” are too young to appreciate it. I grew up in the 1930s and it perfectly captures the mood and manners of that time. It’s like a glimpse of my own childhood.By Brett
December 18, 2008 2:05 PM | Link to this
“Scrooged” is a classic. Here are the top 5 Christmas films of all time. 1.National Lampoons Christmas Vacation 2.Scrooged 3.A Christmas Story 4.Die Hard 5.Home AloneBy Dave
December 18, 2008 1:55 PM | Link to this
Stella, I said I READ “A Christmas Story” when it was first published. It is easily the weakest story ever written by a masterful humorist. I am the wrong generation for video games.By Stella
December 18, 2008 10:07 AM | Link to this
“A Christmas Story” is a classic! Someone obviously doesn’t “get it”. Go back to your video games.By Allie D.
December 18, 2008 10:06 AM | Link to this
I can’t believe Christmas with the Cranks wasn’t on this list. Probably the Worst. Christmas. Movie. Ever.By Barb
December 18, 2008 8:08 AM | Link to this
“Silent Night, Deadly Night.” Why would you even think of making a movie like that??!! And worse yet, they made four sequels. I just don’t get it.By N Alexander
December 17, 2008 10:52 PM | Link to this
Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys. Sadly, I bought this on DVD. When I didn’t even have kids yet. And that theme song, so easy to get stuck in your head, while being so very dreadful.By SRCputt
December 17, 2008 9:50 PM | Link to this
Eric should have watched Jingle All The Way before making up this list. Not only is it not funny, but it glorifies the consumerism that has completely consumed Christmas in this society.By Dave
December 17, 2008 8:19 PM | Link to this
I’ve got to agree with Hillary. This was the only Jean Sheppard story I ever read that I thought was poor and lacking in humor. Making it into a movie didn’t make it any better.By totally
December 17, 2008 4:56 PM | Link to this
Yes, Hillary, if you were near me I’d totally throw something at you. :)By Jen
December 17, 2008 2:48 PM | Link to this
The key to “A Christmas Story” is that you have to watch it all the way through…otherwise you can’t have appreciation for the several story lines that run through the movie.By Rob
December 17, 2008 2:00 PM | Link to this
Honestly, there’s a lot of enjoyment to be had out of Jingle All The Way if you approach it with the proper sense of irony.By Hillary
December 17, 2008 11:13 AM | Link to this
I’ll admit, I don’t think I’ve ever watched it all the way through… and I’ll probably get things thrown at me for saying this, but I really don’t see what all the fuss over “A Christmas Story” is about? Yes, it’s neat that it was filmed in dear ol’ Ohio and yes, the “You’ll shoot your eye out” line is classic. And tongues and frozen flag poles make for funny times (if you aren’t the one stuck that is) but really? Three highlights does not a great movie make.